Drunk Quotes - Page 33

• The thing that I think a lot of guys need to know how to do is not take your mother's advice about honesty being the best policy. Listen to your cool, drunk uncle who tells you to lie. Those are the relationships that last.

  Adam DeVine

  Mother, Uncles, Honesty

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

  W. C. Fields

  Years, Twenties, Three

  Quoted in The Quotations of W. C. Fields, ed. Martin Lewis (1976)

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• He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more

  Ogden Nash

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• Most of us had never seen a sober redneck before, and we have the Reagan Landslide to testify that none of us ever wants to see one again. It was a horrifying apparition. And ever since Jimmy Carter, all of us rednecks have had to be very careful to be drunk rednecks lest we turn into some kind of awful creature with big buck teeth and a State Department full of human-rights yahoos.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Redneck, Rights, Teeth

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• I love a massage and a bath. I don't drink - I'll have a sip, but I've never been drunk - and I don't smoke. I envy people who have those releases. They just have a drink or a cigarette, and they feel better. I have to brave it through the whole day on my own.

  Jennifer Lopez

  Feel Better, People, Envy

  "Jennifer Gets It Right". Interview with Lesley Goober, www.cosmopolitan.com. October 26, 2005.

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• People have different personalities when they're drunk or take heroin, or whatever drugs.

  Mick Jagger

  People, Personality, Drug

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• I love being in an arena that has like 10,000 people and huge crowds. I want to do a show at like the Viper room so badly. Like go up on stage and thrash myself around, go jump into the crowd. You can effing swear, get drunk on stage and do whatever you want basically.

  Avril Lavigne

  Love Is, People, Crowds

  Source: www.justjared.com

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• I can be drunk until 6 in the morning, and then I don't have to show up to work until 14 hours later.

  Lewis Black

  Morning, Hours, Shows

  "Lewis Black on politics, aging, and being the guy who yells". Interview with Drew Fortune, www.avclub.com. September 7, 2012.

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• The good show is not about people fighting or getting drunk or throwing up on each other, or hating each other - it's about celebrating people's talent.

  Cat Deeley

  Hate, Fighting, People

  "Tim Gunn and Cat Deeley on Good Hosts, Bad Reality Shows and Unfair Judges". Interview with Debra Birnbaum, variety.com. August 5, 2014.

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• I used to get drunk in venues after my shows and sign the walls "Ed was here." So if you see that, it was me.

  Ed Sheeran

  Wall, Used, Shows

  Source: www.buzzfeed.com

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• Imagination is like the drunk man who lost his watch and must get drunk again to find it.

  Guy Davenport

  Men, Imagination, Watches

  Guy Davenport (1997). “The Geography of the Imagination: Forty Essays”, p.5, David R. Godine Publisher

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• I rely on the promise, God is kind to women, fools, and drunk people.

  Jane Welsh Carlyle

  People, Promise, Fool

  Jane Welsh Carlyle, Thomas Carlyle (1887). “Letters and Memorials of Jane Welsh Carlyle”

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• Even an idle phone conversation when driving takes a 40 percent bite out of your focus and, surprisingly, can have the same effect as being drunk.

  Gary W. Keller

  Phones, Focus, Driving

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• Friends don't let heads drive drunk!

  Al Snow

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• The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.

  Marcus Brigstocke

  Jobs, Stupid, Simple

  "60 SECONDS: Marcus Brigstocke". Interview with Paul Kevan, metro.co.uk. June 27, 2007.

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• I found out water can be drunk straight.

  Billy Carter

  Water, Moral, Manners

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• He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Average

  Charles Dickens (1903). “The Works of Charles Dickens: Sketches by Boz : illustrative of every day life and everyday people. 1903”

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• Only what we have lost forever do we possess forever. Only when we have drunk from the river of darkness can we truly see. Only when our legs have rotted off can we truly dance. As long as there is death, there is hope

  Brother Theodore

  Rivers, Long, Forever

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• When I was at Upright Citizens Brigade, I would pretend to be a sad, drunk rapper.

  Bobby Moynihan

  Rapper, Citizens

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• And how could I believe that Australian wine was automatically inferior to wine sourced from other regions on the planet when I had never drunk anything but liquid nitrogen?

  Matt Haig

  Believe, Wine, Nitrogen

  Matt Haig (2014). “The Humans: A Novel”, p.6, Simon and Schuster

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• There comes a day of public ceremonial, and a chance to make a speech.... A million voters with IQs below 60 have their ears glued to the radio. It takes four days' hard work to concoct a speech without a sensible word in it. Next a dam must be opened somewhere. Four dry Senators get drunk and make a painful scene. The Presidential automobile runs over a dog. It rains.

  H. L. Mencken

  Running, Dog, Rain

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• That which the sober man keeps in his breast, the drunken man lets out at the lips. Astute people, when they want to ascertain a man's true character, make him drunk.

  Martin Luther

  Character, Men, People

  Martin Luther (1848). “The table talk or familiar discourse of Martin Luther, tr. by W. Hazlitt”, p.293

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• Why did I allow myself to be bored ever in the past and to compensate for it got high or drunk or rages or all the tricks people have because they want anything but serene understanding of just what there is, which is after all so much.

  Jack Kerouac

  Past, People, Bored

  Jack Kerouac (1958). “The Subterraneans”, p.33, Grove Press

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• God may do something silly at any time, because, like any lover, God does not reason. God is drunk with love.

  Ernesto Cardenal

  Silly, Doe, May

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• I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

  Paula Poundstone

  Dog, Cat, Years

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