Bartender Quotes - Page 2

• I was a bartender in New York and I overheard this girl saying she made $3000 doing a commercial. A kid at work told me, 'Hey, I know this director and he'd really like you!'. So I walked into this guy's office and was like 'I was thinking maybe I could make $3000' and he hired me for commercials, short films, like 15 jobs in a row.

  Pauley Perrette

  Girl, New York, Jobs

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• A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what'll it be? The duck doesn't answer because it's a duck.

  Jodi Picoult

  Ducks, Bars, Answers

  Jodi Picoult (2013). “The Storyteller”, p.417, Simon and Schuster

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• If I go
  Before I'm old
  Oh, brother of mine
  Please don't forget me if I go
  Bartender, please
  Fill my glass for me
  With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free
  After three days in the ground.

  Dave Matthews

  Brother, Jesus, Wine

  "Song: 'Bartender'". 2002.

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• There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream.

  Raymond Chandler

  Glasses, Talking, People

  Raymond Chandler (2002). “The Long Goodbye: A Novel”, p.83, Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

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• Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track, but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress, a bartender, his wife, a good psychiatrist - whatever.

  Les Paul

  Beautiful, Thinking, Wife

  33 Copy quote

• ...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Naked, Bars

  18 Copy quote

• Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain't much of a crime.

  Larry McMurtry

  Crime, Surly

  Larry McMurtry (2010). “Lonesome Dove: A Novel”, p.329, Simon and Schuster

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• Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Marriage, Regret

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• Anorexia was there for me before I got into modeling, but because of the arena and the demands, the disease really got out of control for me. It's like being an alcoholic and going and being a bartender.

  Carre Otis

  Anorexia, Demand, Disease

  39 Copy quote

• I toured Ontario in the winter of '48, in a touring company of The Drunkard, in which I played the bartender.

  Jonathan Frid

  Winter, Ontario, Bartending

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• I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

  Todd Barry

  Mean, Errors, Logic

  25 Copy quote

• It's true though: time moves in its own special way in the middle of the night," the bartender says, loudly striking a book match and lighting a cigarette. "You can't fight it.

  Haruki Murakami

  Moving, Book, Fighting

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• If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.

  Richard Kadrey

  Jesus, Half, Stills

  Richard Kadrey (2012). “Kill the Dead (Sandman Slim, Book 2)”, p.24, HarperCollins UK

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• Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

  Mark Twain

  Heaven, Novel, Austen

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• I was frustrated because I couldn't get going, as I was trying to figure out how to make films. I had various jobs, I taught a SAT class, I was a bartender, I had a day job at an office and was making short films.

  David O. Russell

  Jobs, Class, Office

  21 Copy quote

• The bartenders are the regular band of Jack, and the heavenly drummer who looks up to the sky with blue eyes, with a beard, is wailing beer-caps of bottles and jamming on the cash register and everything is going to the beat - It's the beat generation, its béat, it's the beat to keep, it's the beat of the heart, it's being beat and down in the world and like oldtime lowdown.

  Jack Kerouac

  Heart, Eye, Beer

  Jack Kerouac (2012). “Desolation Angels”, p.194, Penguin UK

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• Placing a wedge of lime in the neck of a Corona bottle helps sell those beers. And where did that ritual come from? One story has it that two bartenders in California were curious how fast a ritual could spread. Astonishingly fast, they discovered.

  Martin Lindstrom

  Beer, Two, California

  Source: bobmorris.biz

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• Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you're still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it's not that much fun.

  John Hodgman

  Fun, People, Alcohol

  "Bewildered Maine resident John Hodgman takes another crack at our 11 Questions". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. September 3, 2015.

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• The basic thing is to be humble, and pretend you're a bartender in the tavern of life. Don't get too comfortable and don't really listen to anybody else. Don't stand around with a bunch of writers and talk about writing. You know when you see plumbers at a plumbers convention, usually they're not talking about plumbing: they're talking about whatever it is that two men happen to talk about. They're talking about sports, their wives and children. I just tell my students, don't talk about writing too much, just go out and do it. Find out whatever you need to get to the mainland.

  James McBride

  Sports, Children, Writing

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• I believe that in your heart you already know something is profoundly wrong. When bartenders are responsible for drunk drivers' acts, and gunmakers are responsible for criminals' acts, and nobody is responsible for O. J. Simpson's acts, something is wrong.

  Charlton Heston

  Fear, Believe, Heart

  "Truth And Consequences". Speech to the Yale University Political Union, www.varmintal.com. April 16, 1999.

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• There's a bluebird in my heart that
  wants to get out
  but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
  cigarette smoke
  and the whores and the bartenders
  and the grocery clerks
  never know that
  he's
  in there.

  Charles Bukowski

  Heart, Cigarette Smoke, Clerks

  Charles Bukowski (2012). “The Pleasures of the Damned: Selected Poems 1951-1993”, p.494, Canongate Books

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• Next to the defeated politician, the writer is the most vocal and inventive griper on earth. He sees hardship and unfairness wherever he looks. His agent doesn’t love him (enough). The blank sheet of paper is an enemy. The publisher is a cheapskate. The critic is a philistine. The public doesn’t understand him. His wife doesn’t understand him. The bartender doesn’t understand him.

  Peter Mayle

  Wife, Enemy, Agents

  FaceBook post by Peter Mayle from May 29, 2011

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• If you truly love me, kill the bartender.

  Quentin Crisp

  Ifs

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• My parents were working class folks. My dad was a bartender for most of his life, my mom was a maid and a cashier and a stock clerk at WalMart. We were not people of financial means in terms of significant financial means. I always told them, 'I didn't always have what I wanted. I always had what I needed.' My parents always provided that.

  Marco Rubio

  Mom, Mother, Dad

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• He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn't see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet.

  Joseph Mitchell

  Water, Mixing, Whiskey

  Joseph Mitchell (2012). “Up in the Old Hotel”, p.411, Random House

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