Bartender Quotes

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  Albert Einstein

  Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory

  121 Copy quote

• The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer. . .

  Harry Gordon Johnson

  Lying, Accomplishment, Suits

  122 Copy quote
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  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  172 Copy quote

• I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.

  Al McGuire

  Basketball, Education, College

  113 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  67 Copy quote

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• There are few professions whose primary objective is to advance the cause of humanity rather than simply to make money or accrue power. Among this limited group of humanitarians I would number teachers, nurses, bookstore owners, and bartenders.

  Jack McDevitt

  Teacher, Numbers, Nurse

  Jack McDevitt (2013). “Odyssey (Academy - Book 5): Academy -”, p.128, Hachette UK

  73 Copy quote

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• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

  129 Copy quote

• By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.

  Don Marquis

  Men, Order, Knowing

  Quoted in E Anthony O Rare Don Marquis (1962), ch.11.

  72 Copy quote

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• I'm a bartender. I like recipes. They're concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred?

  Karen Marie Moning

  Self, Two, Deception

  Karen Marie Moning (2008). “Faefever: Fever Series”, p.92, Delacorte Press

  9 Copy quote

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• You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  70 Copy quote

• Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows.

  James Crumley

  Dancing, Bears, Knows

  "Dancing Bear".

  63 Copy quote

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• A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender.

  Jim Bishop

  Book, Drunk, Bartending

  71 Copy quote

• Will there be any bartenders up there in Heaven, will the pubs never close?

  Richard Thompson

  Death, Heaven, Pubs

  Song: God Loves A Drunk, Album: Rumor and Sigh

  26 Copy quote

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• You know you're in trouble, when the bartender cries.

  Michael Peterson

  Sadness, Cry, Trouble

  Song: When the Bartender Cries

  11 Copy quote

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• A theory that you can't explain to a bartender is probably no damn good.

  Ernest Rutherford

  Theory, Damn, Damn Good

  "The Language of God". Book by Francis Collins, p. 60, 2006.

  76 Copy quote

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• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  Jack Lemmon

  Funny, Music, Morning

  97 Copy quote

• An efficient bartenders first aim should be to please his customers, paying particular attention to meet the individual wishes of those whose tastes and desires he has already watched and ascertained; and, with those whose peculiarities he has had no opportunity of learning, he should politely inquire how they wish their beverages served, and use his best judgment in endeavoring to fulfill their desires to their entire satisfaction. In this way he will not fail to acquire popularity and success.

  Jerry Thomas

  Success, Opportunity, Alcohol

  Jerry Thomas (2016). “Jerry Thomas' Bartenders Guide: How to Mix All Kinds of Plain and Fancy Drinks”, p.13, Courier Dover Publications

  65 Copy quote

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  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

  Dean Martin

  Clever, Lying, Humorous

  In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

  215 Copy quote

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• Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Zombie, Bartending

  52 Copy quote

• Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Stories, Way

  P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.188, Atlantic Books Ltd

  13 Copy quote

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• I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. Then I started thinking about how cool it was.

  Brandon Routh

  Dream, Jobs, Thinking

  52 Copy quote
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  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  131 Copy quote

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• Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

  W. C. Fields

  Scotch, Nerves, Bartending

  45 Copy quote

• Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Clever, Smart

  70 Copy quote

• Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer.

  Koko Taylor

  Beer, Men, Glasses

  26 Copy quote