H. L. Mencken Funny Quotes

• On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Heart, Land

  The Baltimore Sun, July 26, 1920.

• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

  H. L. Mencken

  Love, Funny, Marriage

• Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Badass, Anger

  H. L. Mencken, Marion Elizabeth Rodgers (2010). “H.L. Mencken: Prejudices: First, Second, and Third Series”, Hubsta Ltd

• A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Flower, Humor

• The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Humor, Criminals

  H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.271, Knopf

• It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

• All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Men, Differences

• Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Freedom, Political

• Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Laughter, Freedom

• Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Dog, Long

• On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Hilarious, Women

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

• A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

• The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Inspiring, Appreciation

  H.L. Mencken (2012). “Mencken Chrestomathy”, p.616, Vintage

• A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Law, Justice

• There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Music, Humorous

• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

• Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Life, Freedom

• I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.

  H. L. Mencken

  Inspirational, Funny, Humor

• Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Life, Choices

• A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Humor, Heaven

  "A Little Book in C Major".

• Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Philosophy, Science

  H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.55, Knopf

• Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Money, Husband

• When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Women, Humor

  A Little Book in C Major ch. 6 (1916)

• Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Christian, Humorous

  A Little Book in C Major ch. 4 (1916)

• Shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world. Skin a chimpanzee, and it would take an autopsy to prove he was not a theologian.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Humor, Champion

  Baltimore Evening Sun, April 4, 1927.

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