Rich Hall Quotes

• When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

  Rich Hall

  Funny, Witty, Work

  103 Copy quote

• A hotel mini bar allows you to see what a can of Pepsi will cost in twenty years.

  Rich Hall

  Years, Twenties, Pepsi

  12 Copy quote

• The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Envelopes, Figures

  16 Copy quote

• The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

  Rich Hall

  Running, Humorous, Giving

  14 Copy quote

• Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp.

  Rich Hall

  Men, Pimp, Want

  239 Copy quote

• The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Snacks, Peculiar

  18 Copy quote

• As an American, I'd like to apologize - for everything.

  Rich Hall

  America, Apologizing

  15 Copy quote

• The first time I came to the Comedy Festival some nutcase shot a bunch of people in Tasmania. I thought, 'Oh, that's just Tasmania.' The second time I came, some nut shot up Columbine High School. Now I'm here again, and another nut just shot up a high school in Minnesota. If you can't see the connection between me playing the Comedy Festival and mass murder, you're no good at conspiracy theories.

  Rich Hall

  School, Nuts, People

  16 Copy quote

• In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

  Rich Hall

  Lonely, Nature, Montana

  15 Copy quote

• Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Milk, Sides

  13 Copy quote

• The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Long, Bars

  11 Copy quote

• Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Airports, Mazes

  16 Copy quote

• Foxes are rats in expensive coats. What are foxes associated with? Evil, wily, conniving, duplicitous, Fox News - worst news service on the planet and the evilest.

  Rich Hall

  America, Evil, News

  9 Copy quote

• A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Hair, Spots

  10 Copy quote

• The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Chocolate, Popcorn

  14 Copy quote

• Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Toes, Ability

  12 Copy quote

• FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.

  Rich Hall

  Dog, Views, Guilt

  15 Copy quote

• The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Games, Cards

  9 Copy quote

• Ignisecond, n.: The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"

  Rich Hall

  Doors, Hands, Keys

  9 Copy quote

• The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).

  Rich Hall

  Humorous, Turtles, Tortoises

  5 Copy quote

You May Also Like:

Mike Wilmot

Alan Davies

Sean Lock

Adam Hills

Jack Dee

Stephen Fry

Jo Brand

Dara O Briain