Brian Regan Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your head!!"

  Brian Regan

  Stupid, Cutting, Men

  27 Copy quote

• Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours] and then let everything else fall where it falls.

  Brian Regan

  Fall, Thinking, Crafts

  9 Copy quote

• I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise in there, make it 50/50. Cran-apple. Grapes? Cran-grape. Mangos? Cran-mango. Pork chops? Cran-chop!

  Brian Regan

  Apples, Pork, Juice

  6 Copy quote

• The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a living?" "Well, I don't grow corn. Get up at the crack of noon, make sure there's no corn growing. I'm gonna get up early tomorrow. And not plow. You know, we used to not grow tomatoes-but there's more money in not growing corn."

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Up Early, Government

  10 Copy quote

• I was watchin' the news the other day, and I heard them talking about a criminal named Brian Regan same spelling and everything. He's gonna be in jail for the rest of his life. So I'm sitting there doing a crossword puzzle and all of a sudden I hear, It is unknown whether the charges against Brian Regan will lead to his execution. Guess I can put this down. Honey, did we pay that parking ticket?!

  Brian Regan

  Talking, Jail, News

  32 Copy quote

• I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote some lines that they ended up... not using. ... I wrote one line. I thought it would've been perfect. I don't know if anyone saw the movie. It's the scene where the ape general comes in. And they're trying to decide if they should attack right there, or wait until a little later. And I wrote: "Man these bananas are good!" But they didn't use it. I did all of that research.

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Writing, Men

  28 Copy quote

• Do not stand directly in front of a cannon...how true that is.

  Brian Regan

  Cannons, Fronts

  26 Copy quote

• Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.

  Brian Regan

  Hey, Want, Crops

  19 Copy quote

• "Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has been called." ... That's what they say - but somehow, by the time it comes out of the speaker, it sounds like, "Everybody up and rush the door! Everybody up and try to squeeze your big fat butts in the small gate door area! Immediately! ... Do whatever you have to do to get on board. This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam!"

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Doors, Gentleman

  Interview with Paul Harris, paulharrisonline.blogspot.ru. May 20, 1996.

  14 Copy quote

• I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew.

  Brian Regan

  Growing Up, Bees, Idiot

  11 Copy quote

• Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you.

  Brian Regan

  Should, Rate Of Change, Never Stop Learning

  "1/1: Interview with Brian Regan, President of Semper International". Interview with Deborah Corn, www.printmediacentr.com.

  16 Copy quote

• I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.

  Brian Regan

  Thinking, People, Use

  Source: edition.cnn.com

  14 Copy quote

• Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff.

  Brian Regan

  Order, Knowing, Giving

  14 Copy quote

• Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?'

  Brian Regan

  People, Looks, Why Not

  7 Copy quote

• Mmmm! Lunch and no cleanup! Can life get better? I submit that it can NOT!

  Brian Regan

  Lunch, Get Better, Life Gets Better

  "Brian Regan Live". Comedy album by Brian Regan, en.wikiquote.org. 1997.

  15 Copy quote

• I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.

  Brian Regan

  Two, Peanut Butter, Sandwiches

  "Comedy Central Presents (TV Series) Brian Regan". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2000.

  17 Copy quote

• I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just the absolute most - the more mundane the subject matter, the more interesting it is to me.

  Brian Regan

  Thinking, Everyday Things, Interesting

  Source: www.charlestoncitypaper.com

  11 Copy quote

• Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.

  Brian Regan

  Cutting, Knives, Comedian

  Source: mauitime.com

  7 Copy quote

• You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks. Sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant trucks loaded up with logs, and they pass each other on the highway... I don't understand that. I mean, if they need logs over there... and they need 'em over there, you'd think a phone call would save 'em a whole lot of trouble.

  Brian Regan

  Mean, Thinking, Phones

  "Brian Regan Live". Album by Brian Regan, 1997.

  7 Copy quote

• Hooked on Phonics worked for me.

  Brian Regan

  Hooked

  "Brian Regan Live". Comedy album by Brian Regan, 1997.

  7 Copy quote

• I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of people that I don't know, one guy talking plenty for everybody. "Me myself right and then I and then myself and mee, me, I couldn't tell this one about I cause I was talking about myself and Me- Meee- Mee- Me- Me!" Beware the Me monster.

  Brian Regan

  Party, Talking, People

  "Brian Regan: I Walked on the Moon". Comedy, December 2004.

  12 Copy quote

• I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do; I feel very lucky to be able to do what I do, and I never get tired of it. Every time I'm backstage before a show and I feel the murmur of the crowd, it's just incredibly exciting. And I consider myself very fortunate to be able to do this for a job. It's a great life.

  Brian Regan

  Jobs, Tired, Lucky

  Source: www.citypaper.com

  7 Copy quote

• Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel that way at all. I just think it's different. It's different. There's rock music, there's jazz music, there's reggae music: All of those forms are different.

  Brian Regan

  Dirty, Thinking, Rocks

  Source: www.vulture.com

  9 Copy quote

• I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how to like those a little bit.

  Brian Regan

  Trying, Different, Done

  8 Copy quote

• How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make a little lame segue. "Hey, that's a big lotto jackpot! Speaking of lotto, there was a lot o' crime in the city today."

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Thinking, Blue

  9 Copy quote

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