David Sedaris Quotes - Page 8

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• I'm completely fascinated by the health-care debate going on in the United States, especially by posters of Obama with a little mustache drawn on his upper lip. Is that what Hitler is really known for, his health-care plan? To quote Bill Maher, "I haven't seen this many pissed-off old white people since they cancelled 'Murder She Wrote.'"

  David Sedaris

  White, People, Mustache

  "Ask the Author Live: David Sedaris". Live chat, www.newyorker.com. August 14, 2009.

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• The walking tour guides one through the city's various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for example, that in the late 1500s my little neighborhood square was a popular spot for burning people alive. Now lined with a row of small shops, the tradition continues, though in a figurative rather than literal sense.

  David Sedaris

  Squares, Cities, People

  David Sedaris (2000). “Me talk pretty one day”

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• Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.

  David Sedaris

  Writing, Effort, Community

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• The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.

  David Sedaris

  Killing Someone, Hours, Miles

  David Sedaris (2010). “Naked”, p.43, Hachette UK

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• The good thing about being gay was always that you didn't have a wedding. People would say, "He's gay, but at least he didn't make us go to his wedding. He didn't make us fly across the country. He didn't make us choose between the fish and the beef."

  David Sedaris

  Country, Gay, People

  "David Sedaris on 'Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls'". Interview with Kevin Nance, articles.chicagotribune.com. April 21, 2013.

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• Writing helped to have jobs that involved running around, pushing things like dish carts and wheelbarrows. It would be hard to sit at a desk all day, and then come to sit at another desk. Also, it helps to abandon hope. If I sit at my computer, determined to write a New Yorker story I won't get beyond the first sentence. It's better to put no pressure on it. What would happen if I followed the previous sentence with this one, I'll think. If the eighth draft is torture, the first should be fun. At least if you're writing humor.

  David Sedaris

  Running, Jobs, Fun

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• If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother.

  David Sedaris

  Mother, President, Fetus

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• Faced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer. Ions might charge the air but they fell flat when it came to charging the imagination - my imagination, anyway.

  David Sedaris

  Air, Ions, Imagination

  David Sedaris (2000). “Me talk pretty one day”

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• Usually, if I think something is really funny, it doesn't get any reaction whatsoever.

  David Sedaris

  Thinking, Reactions, Ifs

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I don't like to read anything on the radio for the very first time, because I don't have any notion of a reaction. When I read it out loud, then I get an idea of that, and more of an idea of how to read.

  David Sedaris

  Ideas, Radio, Firsts

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.

  David Sedaris

  Writing, Happens

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• To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

  David Sedaris

  Laughing, News, Bigs

  Interview with Tony DuShane, www.motherjones.com. July/August 2008.

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• Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like.

  David Sedaris

  Struggle, Ignorant, Useless

  David Sedaris (2010). “When You Are Engulfed In Flames”, p.109, Hachette UK

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• I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.

  David Sedaris

  Thinking, Interesting, Life Is

  "David Sedaris: 'If you tell a funny story at the dinner table in front of 10 people, nine will laugh, and one will say: that's not true. I've always hated that person'". Interview with Decca Aitkenhead, www.theguardian.com. June 21, 2009.

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• What's strange is, the people who want to be in the position are never asked to be in the position. Like, if you don't want to do something, then people really want you to do it. And the more you say, "No, really, I'm sorry, it's really not for me," the more they want to convince you that it is, in fact, for you, and that you'd be absolutely perfect.

  David Sedaris

  Sorry, People, Perfect

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she wore her bruises to the dry cleaner and the grocery store. Most people nervously looked away, but on the rare occasions someone would ask what happened, my sister would smile as brightly as possible, saying, 'I'm in love. Can you believe it? I'm finally, totally in love, and I feel great.

  David Sedaris

  Believe, People, Looks

  David Sedaris (2009). “Me Talk Pretty One Day”, p.91, Hachette UK

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• You meet people who say, "Oh, I'd like to do such-and-such, but I don't have the time." But it always seemed to me like you make the time. And if you have a wife or a job, if you have kids or whatever, you find a way. If you really want to do it, you make the time.

  David Sedaris

  Jobs, Kids, People

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.

  David Sedaris

  Magazines, Want, Ships

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

  David Sedaris

  People, Laughing, Listening

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• But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.

  David Sedaris

  Jobs, Real, Possibility

  David Sedaris (1998). “The Santaland Diaries ; And, Season's Greetings”, p.10, Dramatists Play Service Inc

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• A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.

  David Sedaris

  Night, College, Drug

  David Sedaris (2000). “Me talk pretty one day”

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• I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.

  David Sedaris

  Writing, Knows, Ifs

  "Ask the Author Live: David Sedaris". Live chat, www.newyorker.com. August 14, 2009.

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• Whenever I write about my family, I start by getting my parent`s approval. I like to think I write about them with obvious affection. When it comes to the people I'm related to, I consider myself to be very lucky.

  David Sedaris

  Writing, Thinking, People

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• I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.

  David Sedaris

  Strong, Reading, Writing

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I'm so old that when I started keeping a diary they were in actual books, and I think that's one the reasons that I've never written about sex. Because early on you had to worry that someone was going to find your diary, so it's bad enough to be writing like Joan Didion, but writing like Joan Didion about sex acts you'd performed with somebody you had known for 20 minutes, that's a bit worse. So I would write in my diary, "I met J. and we had sex five times last night." But I would never write about what we did.

  David Sedaris

  Book, Writing, Night

  Source: www.avclub.com

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