Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone. "I've solved your problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!" She hit him with a waffle iron.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
I do not like a high-organized church. I think that as soon as the congregation reaches a level of one hundred or so people, it is time to build a new church. As soon as the congregation gets to the point where you are not on fairly intimate terms with every other person in that church, then you have become a theater where people can attend services. I do not think you can attend a church service. Service is not something which is there to be viewed as if it were a play or a movie.
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
In the Book of Life, The answers aren't in the back.
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Don't be a leaf... Be a tree!
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Do what is absolutely you and nobody else.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
Years are like candy bars... We're paying more, but they're getting shorter.
It's better to live one day as a lion than a dozen years as a sheep.
There is nothing more attractive than a nice smile
A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope.
This is my report on how to live... They say the best way is just to live one day at a time... If you try to live seven days at a time, the week will be over before you know it.
Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational.
Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin!
Never, ever, ever give up.
Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!
Charlie Brown: "Life is just too much for me... I've been confused right from the day I was born... I think the whole trouble is that we're thrown into life too fast... We're not really prepared..." Linus: "What did you want... A chance to warm up first?"
My anxieties have anxieties.
I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.
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