Stupidity Quotes - Page 23

• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

  Dave Barry

  God, Ice, Drug

  22 Copy quote

• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  Dave Barry

  God, Writing, Ifs

  22 Copy quote

• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

  Dave Barry

  God, People, Quiet

  5 Copy quote

• Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

  Dave Barry

  God, Jobs, Laughing

  19 Copy quote

• Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

  Dave Barry

  God, Gold, Murphy

  4 Copy quote

• Too many rocks in the mountains.

  Dave Barry

  God, Rocks, Mountain

  4 Copy quote

• Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.

  Dave Barry

  God, Night, Feet

  17 Copy quote

• The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.

  Dave Barry

  God, Animal, Night

  4 Copy quote

• Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.

  Dave Barry

  God, Views, Needs

  5 Copy quote

• Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.

  Dave Barry

  God, Leeches, Spiders

  31 Copy quote

• Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

  Dave Barry

  God, Needs, Building

  4 Copy quote

• Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.

  Dave Barry

  God, Horse, Cigarette

  5 Copy quote

• Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.

  Dave Barry

  God, Animal, Walking Sticks

  4 Copy quote

• Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.

  Dave Barry

  God, Hands, People

  5 Copy quote

• Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

  Dave Barry

  God, Numbers, Growth

  4 Copy quote

• A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

  Dave Barry

  God, Bags, Way

  7 Copy quote

• I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?

  Dave Barry

  God, Vacation, Bob

  4 Copy quote

• Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

  Dave Barry

  God, Years, One Day

  6 Copy quote

• If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

  Dave Barry

  God, Swimming, Whales

  12 Copy quote

• Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

  Dave Barry

  God, Stupid, Abuse

  21 Copy quote

• Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.

  Oscar Wilde

  God, Cat, Purpose

  104 Copy quote

• I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.

  Dennis Miller

  God, Energy, Proof

  4 Copy quote

• How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

  Dennis Miller

  God, Two, Snowflake

  7 Copy quote

• When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

  Dennis Miller

  God, Four, Goats

  5 Copy quote

• I'm a joker who has understood his epoch and has extracted all he possibly could from the stupidity, greed and vanity of his contemporaries.

  Pablo Picasso

  Art, Vanity, Greed

  6 Copy quote