My Girlfriend Quotes

• When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

  Steven Wright

  Good Morning, Girlfriend, Mistake

  59 Copy quote

• My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

  Jay London

  Girlfriend, Personality, Fit

  53 Copy quote

• I don't date my girlfriend because she's a model. I date her because I love her.

  Adam Levine

  Girlfriend, Models

  "Inside Adam Levine's Private Life". Interview With Mickey Rapkin, www.elle.com. November 10, 2011.

  53 Copy quote

  Show source

• When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

  Nora Ephron

  Love, Life, Relationship

  Nora Ephron (2011). “When Harry Met Sally. . .”, p.97, Knopf

  126 Copy quote

  Show source

• We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

  Sam Keen

  Love, Friendship, Anniversary

  417 Copy quote
• 

  I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Girlfriend, Mad

  31 Copy quote

• You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

  Taylor Swift

  I Love You, Cute Love, Anniversary

  Song: Mine, Album: Speak Now, 2010

  85 Copy quote

  Show source

• Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.

  Joe Rogan

  Girlfriend, Trying, Path

  7 Copy quote

• I always say now that I'm in my blonde years. Because since the end of my marriage, all of my girlfriends have been blonde.

  Hugh Hefner

  Girlfriend, Years, Dating

  8 Copy quote

• My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  Twitter post from Nov 14, 2009

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

  Emo Philips

  Relationship, Girlfriend, Eye

  81 Copy quote

• I love my girlfriend to bits. I'd never do anything to hurt her.

  Charlie Simpson

  Girlfriend, Hurt, Bits

  5 Copy quote

• And what? Accidentally cuts off three fingers postmortem? 'Oops, oh, no, my girlfriend just died! Clumsy me, in trying to perform CPR, I chopped off some fingers! Guess I'll just take them with me.... Oh, darn, where did that middle finger go?

  Barry Lyga

  Girlfriend, Cutting, Cpr

  4 Copy quote

• When I need a break from the boys, I go with my girlfriend to buy pretty little dresses for her daughter.

  Kim Raver

  Daughter, Girlfriend, Boys

  4 Copy quote

• You know," I said to Michael, "my girlfriend took him down with a broken tree branch." "Too bad she isn't here," he said.

  Rachel Caine

  Girlfriend, Broken, Tree

  4 Copy quote

• I love you. I know the real you too. You think I don't but how easily you forget I was the one who bailed you out of trouble over and over again as kids. I didn't ask the perfect Ashton to be my girlfriend when I was fourteen years old. I asked the only Ash I'd ever known. You changed all on your own. I'm not going to lie. I was proud of the girl you had become. My world was complete. I had the perfect family, perfect girl, perfect future. I let myself forget the other girl you once were.

  Abbi Glines

  Girl, Real, Lying

  Abbi Glines (2012). “The Vincent Boys”, p.82, Abbi Glines

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• 'You claim to be the man, you want me for a lover,
  So you can do my girlfriends and my sister and my mother?'
  I said, 'You're very blunt,' with quickness to the cue,
  'So whassup with your mother, does she look as good as you?'

  Dres

  Mother, Girlfriend, Rap

  4 Copy quote

• Right after I graduated, my girlfriend, who I had been going out with for five years, dumped me, and my grandmother died.

  Mike Gordon

  Girlfriend, Grandmother, Years

  Interview with Brian Feller, phish.net. April 18, 1993.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• I don't date Janet Jackson. She is my girlfriend; there is a difference. She is a very special and talented woman who never ceases to amaze me.

  Wissam Al Mana

  Girlfriend, Differences, Special

  5 Copy quote

• My girlfriend doesn't think I'm funny at all.

  Robbie Amell

  Girlfriend, Thinking

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Hate, Night

  170 Copy quote

• Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Baby, Girlfriend, Home

  63 Copy quote

• My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Sex, Believe

  Twitter post from Sep 27, 2010

  224 Copy quote

  Show source

• My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Mom, Girlfriend, Brother

  Twitter post from Sep 25, 2010

  79 Copy quote

  Show source

• My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.

  12 Copy quote

  Show source