Ironic Quotes - Page 3

• Jesus wept; Voltaire smiled. From that divine tear and from that human smile is derived the grace of present civilization.

  Victor Hugo

  Smile, Jesus, Civilization

  "Centenaire de Voltaire" (1878)

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.

  Mike Birbiglia

  Sarcastic, Education, Religious

  13 Copy quote

• There are no nudists in cold areas.

  Tsugumi Ohba

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata (2007). “Death note: Kindred spirit”, VIZ Media LLC

  67 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous.

  Max Cannon

  Humorous, Trying

  7 Copy quote

• Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.

  Jane Austen

  Mrs Bennet, Suffering, Prejudice

  Jane Austen (2016). “Pride and Prejudice (Illustrated)”, p.97, Full Moon Publications

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• But that's men all over ... Poor dears, they can't help it. They haven't got logical minds.

  Dorothy L. Sayers

  Men, Mind, Irony

  Dorothy L. Sayers (2012). “Busman's Honeymoon”, p.476, Open Road Media

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Education, Sex

  152 Copy quote

• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  Jack Lemmon

  Funny, Music, Morning

  97 Copy quote

• He was one of the most supremely stupid men I have ever met. He taught me a great deal.

  John Fowles

  Stupid, Men, Taught

  John Fowles (1968). “The Magus”, Pan

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Irony is the form of paradox. Paradox is what is good and great at the same time.

  Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

  Literature, Irony, Paradox

  "Dialogue on Poetry and Literary Aphorisms" by Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel, translated by Ernst Behler and Roman Struc, (p. 151), 1968.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Dear dad, you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear, so I'm trying my best not to be afraid.

  Frank Abagnale

  Funny, Honesty, Dad

  "Catch Me If You Can". www.imdb.com. 2002.

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Irony is Fate's most common figure of speech.

  Trevanian

  Fate, Speech, Irony

  Trevanian (2005). “Shibumi: A Novel”, p.106, Broadway Books

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• It was growing late, and though one might stand on the brink of a deep chasm of disaster, one was still obliged to dress for dinner.

  Georgette Heyer

  Dresses, Growing, Dinner

  21 Copy quote

• The freedom of any society varies proportionately with the volume of its laughter.

  Zero Mostel

  Sarcastic, Laughter, Freedom

  59 Copy quote

• I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Death, Sarcastic

  208 Copy quote

• Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

  Bill Vaughan

  Fun, Home, Names

  26 Copy quote

• We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we're cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Mistake, Warning, Body

  Ellen Degeneres (2011). “My Point...And I Do Have One”, p.158, Bantam

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• Architecture is the art of how to waste space.

  Philip Johnson

  Funny, Art, Badass

  New York Times 27 Dec. 1964, p. 9E

  71 Copy quote

  Show source

• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

  93 Copy quote

  Show source

• It’s sad. Marxism didn’t work. Communism didn’t work. Capitalism doesn’t work.  Nothing works. Even democracy doesn’t work. Democracy-the greatest form of government and we have two choices for who’s our leader. In fascism you only have one choice. That’s great. We have one more choice than the worst form of government.

  Colin Quinn

  Sad, Leadership, Work

  44 Copy quote

• But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

  Daniel Handler

  Sarcastic, Baby, Congratulations

  "The Penultimate Peril (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 12)". Book by Lemony Snicket (pen name of Daniel Handler), October 18, 2005.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Time, Humorous

  Provincial Letters: Letter XVI, December 4, 1656.

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• Those who do not complain are never pitied.

  Jane Austen

  Mrs Bennet, Prejudice, Complaining

  Jane Austen, Pamela Jane, Deborah Guyol (2015). “Pride and Prejudice and Kitties: A Cat-Lover's Romp through Jane Austen's Classic”, p.73, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thinking, Strange, Referee

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Apr 03, 2015

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• Irony is a disciplinarian feared only by those who do not know it, but cherished by those who do

  Soren Kierkegaard

  Rejuvenation, Irony, Finitude

  14 Copy quote