Humour Quotes - Page 11

• I don't know why I have these dreams. I've never wanted to be Pope. In fact, I have a greater affinity to Martin Luther.

  Peter Ustinov

  Dream, Facts, Pope

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• The Bible is such a gargantuan collection of conflicting values that anyone can prove anything from it.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Prove, Collections, Values

  "The Number of the Beast". Book by Robert A. Heinlein, Chapter XXXVIII, p. 377, 1980.

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• The meek shall inherit the earth - a 6 foot plot above them.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Feet, Plot, Earth

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• The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee.

  Bill Maher

  Iraq, President, Gold

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• Twas the saying of an ancient sage that humour was the only test of gravity, and gravity of humour. For a subject which would not bear raillery was suspicious; and a jest which would not bear a serious examination was certainly false wit.

  Anthony Ashley Cooper, 1st Earl of Shaftesbury

  Sage, Examination, Tests

  "Characteristics", Letter Concerning Enthusiasm, Part I. Sect. V, as quoted in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations, p. 673-74, 1922.

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• What is it that is done to our children that their puberty should deform them? They have the joy of movement; they have an enterprising curiosity; they are ready for sensible self-denial; they dream ahead, and they have a faithful memory, and, above all, great compassion... The well-meaning educator who flatters and humours the young not only does a disservice to the community, but also damages the individual by depriving him of the opportunities of self-discovery.

  Kurt Hahn

  Dream, Children, Memories

  "Kurt Hahn: A Life Span in Education and Politics". Book by Robert Birley, §1, p. 8, 1966.

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• Any man will admit if need be that his sight is not good, or that he cannot swim or shoots badly with a rifle, but to touch upon his sense of humour is to give him mortal affront.

  Stephen Leacock

  Men, Sight, Giving

  Stephen Leacock (2012). “Feast of Stephen”, p.106, McClelland & Stewart

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• I walked about 55 kilometers and was awake for 25 hours. Now I have to think about setting a sleeping record.

  Ehsan Ghaem-Maghami

  Sleep, Thinking, Records

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• But you must still know to respect other people's faith.'
  'Why? We don't respect any other delusion. We lock up people who believe they're Christ, yet we're supposed to humour those who believe in him.'
  'By definition, faith is irrational: a belief you hold against the normal rules of evidence.'
  'In which case I believe in Jedi

  Michael Arditti

  Believe, People, Locks

  Michael Arditti (2009). “The Enemy of the Good”, Arcadia Books

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• With women, the great business of life is love; and they generally make a mistake in it. They consult neither the heart nor the head, but are led away by mere humour and fancy. If instead of a companion for life, they had to choose a partner in a country-dance or to trifle away an hour with, their mode of calculation would be right. They tie their true-lover's knot with idle, thoughtless haste, while the institutions of society render it indissoluble.

  William Hazlitt

  Country, Mistake, Women

  William Hazlitt (1837). “Characteristics: in the manner of Rochefoucault's Maxims [by W. Hazlitt].”, p.111

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• Danger is a good teacher, and makes apt scholars. So are disgrace, defeat, exposure to immediate scorn and laughter. There is no opportunity in such cases for self-delusion, no idling time away, no being off your guard (or you must take the consequences) - neither is there any room for humour or caprice or prejudice.

  William Hazlitt

  Teacher, Laughter, Opportunity

  William Hazlitt (2004). “On the Pleasure of Hating”, p.31, Penguin UK

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• People, particularly over-moralistic Americans, have often seen me as a pessimist and humourless to boot, yet I think I have an almost maniacal sense of humour. The problem is that it's rather deadpan.

  J. G. Ballard

  Thinking, People, Boots

  "Age of Unreason". Interview with Jeannette Baxter, www.theguardian.com. June 22, 2004.

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• Laughter is man's most distinctive emotional expression. Man shares the capacity for love and hate, anger and fear, loyalty and grief, with other living creatures. But humour, which has an intellectual as well as an emotional element belongs to man

  Margaret Mead

  Loyalty, Laughter, Hate

  Margaret Mead, Rhoda Bubendey Métraux (1979). “Margaret Mead, some personal views”, Angus & Robertson

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• Many consider that Shostakovich is the greatest 20th-century composer. In his 15 symphonies, 15 quartets, and in other works he demonstrated mastery of the largest and most challenging forms with music of great emotional power and technical invention...All his works are marked by emotional extremes - tragic intensity, grotesque and bizarre wit, humour, parody, and savage sarcasm.

  Dmitri Shostakovich

  Sarcasm, Emotional, Symphony

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• I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the ground. If they start taking themselves too seriously, they're heading for a fall.

  Jimmy Carr

  Fall, Thinking, Feet

  "Preview: Jimmy Carr , Grand Opera House, York November 20" by Charles Hutchinson, North Yorkshire County Publications, November 19, 2004.

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• I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.

  Daniel Radcliffe

  Mean, Work Ethic, Proud

  Guardian interview, July 4, 2009.

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• Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, "Humour studies would that be, sir?"

  Keith Waterhouse

  Funny, Humor, Glasses

  The Spectator, January 15, 1994.

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• It goes to show you how we in the press so often miss the big stories that are right under our noses. There is a famous journalistic legend about the time a young reporter covered the Johnstown flood of 1889. The kid wrote: God sat on a hillside overlooking Johnstown today and looked at the destruction He had wrought. His editor cabled back: Forget flood. Interview God.

  Roger Ebert

  Kids, Editors, Missing

  Roger Ebert (2013). “Roger Ebert's Movie Yearbook 2007”, p.297, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Once upon a time, a historian told me that the most important choice a new historian could make was of his or her specialist subject. Most of the good stuff was far too overcrowded, so you had to pick about in the exotic and extinct. His recommendations were the Picts or the Minoans, because hardly anything was known about them and you could spend a happy lifetime of speculation.

  A. A. Gill

  Happy Life, Important Choices, History

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• Around it are those countries which, according to History, constitute the civilised world ie, a world that can support historians

  Terry Pratchett

  Country, History, Support

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• Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot.

  Robert Frost

  Play, Enemy, Able

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• There is a certain artificial polish, a commonplace vivacity acquired by perpetually mingling in the beau monde; which, in the commerce of world, supplies the place of natural suavity and good-humour, but is purchased at the expense of all original and sterling traits of character.

  Washington Irving

  Character, World, Natural

  Washington Irving (1854). “The Works”, p.262

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• musicians rarely have a sense of humour, at least, about themselves.

  Carolyn Wells

  Humor, Musician

  Carolyn Wells (2008). “Patty's Friends”, p.22, Wildside Press LLC

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• I wish the English still possessed a shred of the old sense of humour which Puritanism, and dyspepsia, and newspaper reading, and tea-drinking have nearly extinguished.

  Norman Douglas

  Drinking, Reading, Tea

  Norman Douglas (1982). “South Wind”, p.282, Courier Corporation

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• The worst in life, we are told, is compatible with the best in art. So too the worst in life is compatible with the best in humour.

  Agnes Repplier

  Art, Life Is, Worst

  Agnes Repplier (1936). “In Pursuit of Laughter ...”, Boston : Houghton Mifflin

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