Keith Waterhouse Quotes

• I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through.

  Keith Waterhouse

  New Day, Leafs, Shows

  Keith Waterhouse (2012). “Keith Waterhouse: Collected Plays”, p.66, Oberon Books

  46 Copy quote

• Ninety-five percent of all statistics, including this one, are bogus.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Statistics, Ninety, Five

  10 Copy quote

• I cannot bring myself to vote for a woman who has been voice-trained to speak to me as though my dog has just died.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Dog, Voice, Vote

  "Paperbacks" by Jonathan Heawood, www.theguardian.com. July 8, 2001.

  8 Copy quote

• A consultation process is what some authority sets in motion preparatory to doing what it intended all along.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Authority, Process, Consultation

  17 Copy quote

• Never look to politicians to solve your problems, they will only create new ones.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Looks, Problem, Politician

  6 Copy quote

• Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers, Society of, The?

  Keith Waterhouse

  Should, Known

  Keith Waterhouse (1992). “Jeffrey Bernard is unwell ; Mr and Mrs Nobody ; and, Bookends”

  4 Copy quote

• Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, "Humour studies would that be, sir?"

  Keith Waterhouse

  Funny, Humor, Glasses

  The Spectator, January 15, 1994.

  6 Copy quote

• Trying to keep up with current slang sucks.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Trying, Currents, Slang

  4 Copy quote

• Lying in bed, I abandoned the facts again and was back in Ambrosia.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Lying, Bed, Facts

  Billy Liar ch. 1 (1959)

  18 Copy quote

• The longer an event is anticipated-a milestone birthday, an eclipse, a new millennium-the more likely it is to be an anti-climax.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Events, Eclipse, Millennium

  4 Copy quote

• The 50s face was angry, the 60s face was well-fed, the 70s face was foxy. Perhaps it was the right expression: there was a lot to be wary about.

  Keith Waterhouse

  Expression, Faces, Feds

  1979 In the Observer Magazine, 30 Dec.

  6 Copy quote

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