Funny Father Quotes

• Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

  Martin Mull

  Inspirational, Funny, Family

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  86 Copy quote

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• When Charles first saw our child Mary, he said all the proper things for a new father. He looked upon the poor little red thing and blurted, "She's more beautiful than the Brooklyn Bridge."

  Helen Hayes

  Beautiful, Daughter, Fathers Day

  8 Copy quote

• Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Dad, Father, Years

  7 Copy quote

• My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Fathers Day, Humor

  FaceBook post by Jeff Foxworthy from Jun 25, 2012

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• I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.

  Woody Allen

  Fathers Day, Enthusiasm, Incompetence

  46 Copy quote

• It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.

  Friedrich Schiller

  Family, Thank You, Fathers Day

  39 Copy quote

• There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.

  Peter De Vries

  Family, Children, Humorous

  9 Copy quote

• It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Mothers Day, Mom, Daughter

  "Animal Dreams". Book by Barbara Kingsolver, September 1990.

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• Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.

  Anne Frank

  Inspirational, Growing Up, Women

  FaceBook post by Anne Frank from Nov 29, 2014

  79 Copy quote

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• I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war.

  George W. Bush

  War, Choices, Twins

  "Bush Twins Are at It Again". www.foxnews.com. June 28, 2002.

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• A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.

  Frank A. Clark

  Funny, Dad, Father

  24 Copy quote

• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Family

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2010

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• I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.

  Sigmund Freud

  Daughter, Fathers Day, Strong

  Sigmund Freud, James Strachey, Anna Freud, Carrie Lee Rothgeb (1961). “The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud”

  102 Copy quote

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• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Happy, Fathers Day, Dad

  "R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield", www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

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• The greatest gift I ever had
  Came from God; I call him Dad!

  John Walter Bratton

  Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

  46 Copy quote

• If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

  Michael Showalter

  Mom, Fathers Day, Dad

  11 Copy quote

• I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Motivational, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  52 Copy quote

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• The thing to remember about fathers is, they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock - full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat - like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle I took such months to get.

  Phyllis McGinley

  Girl, Daughter, Father

  Phyllis McGinley (1968). “Wonders and surprises: a collection of poems”, Lippincott Williams & Wilkins

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• When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

  Jerry Lewis

  Fathers Day, Zoos, Dad

  164 Copy quote

• Scratch any father, you find / Someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, / Believing change is a threat.

  Phyllis McGinley

  Father, Believe, Qualms About

  Phyllis McGinley (1968). “Wonders and surprises: a collection of poems”, Lippincott Williams & Wilkins

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• My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

  Spike Milligan

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  29 Copy quote

• A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

  Enid Bagnold

  Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Baby

  52 Copy quote

• You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Father, Years, Style

  6 Copy quote

• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  Robert Orben

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.108, Doubleday

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• One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

  George Herbert

  Relationship, Daughter, Fathers Day

  George Herbert (1836). “The works of George Herbert. containing Parentalia, the 2nd copy wanting the 1st sheet of vol.2].”, p.168

  30 Copy quote

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