Funny Father Quotes - Page 2

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Theodore Hesburgh

Love, Inspirational, Funny

249 Copy quote
My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

Clarence Budington Kelland

Life, Fathers Day, Children

87 Copy quote
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, 'You're tearing up the grass'; 'We're not raising grass,' Dad would reply. 'We're raising boys.'

Harmon Killebrew

Family, Fathers Day, Mother

"Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

Steve Martin

Fathers Day, Baby, Dad

41 Copy quote
A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Fathers Day, Dad, Men

FaceBook post by Gabriel García Márquez from Jun 15, 2014

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If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.

James A. Baldwin

Fathers Day, Son, Earth

84 Copy quote
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Bob Monkhouse

Funny, Father, Humor

21 Copy quote
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

Timothy J. Russert

Family, Fathers Day, Dad

19 Copy quote
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Dad, Father

49 Copy quote
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

Bertrand Russell

Funny, Family, Dad

Bertrand Russell (1957). “Why I Am Not a Christian: And Other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects”, p.158, Simon and Schuster

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To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

Ernest Hemingway

Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

Jon Stewart

Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

"Late Night with Conan O'Brien", January 29, 2009.

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My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

Jim Valvano

Inspirational, Basketball, Daughter

164 Copy quote
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Bill Cosby

Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

46 Copy quote
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain

Love, Funny, Motivational

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby

Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

91 Copy quote
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

Ray Romano

Funny, Fathers Day, Children

67 Copy quote
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Jim Gaffigan

Fathers Day, Song, Children

FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

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It is a wise father that knows his own child.

William Shakespeare

Family, Wise, Meaningful

'The Merchant of Venice' (1596-8) act 2, sc. 2, l. [83]

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I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.

Louis C. K.

Fathers Day, Dad, Mistake

12 Copy quote
You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.

Erika Cosby

Family, Fathers Day, Dad

47 Copy quote
The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

Confucius

Fathers Day, Dad, Children

42 Copy quote
My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

Bob Odenkirk

Sarcastic, Daughter, Dad

52 Copy quote
I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in the news business, by the way. He was a radio news guy. So the news was always in my house, and funny was always in my house. It was sort of just baked into the DNA that I would do this for a living, but I can remember being less than 10 years old and dreaming about being a comedian.

Bill Maher

Dream, Father, Kids

Source: www.usatoday.com

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