Funny Dad Quotes

• A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.

  Frank A. Clark

  Funny, Dad, Father

  24 Copy quote

• There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Fathers Day, Song, Children

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

  27 Copy quote

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• A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

  Steve Martin

  Fathers Day, Baby, Dad

  41 Copy quote
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  My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

  Jim Valvano

  Inspirational, Basketball, Daughter

  164 Copy quote

• My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

  Bob Odenkirk

  Sarcastic, Daughter, Dad

  52 Copy quote

• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  67 Copy quote

• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

  93 Copy quote

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• The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

  Timothy J. Russert

  Family, Fathers Day, Dad

  19 Copy quote

• Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

  Jon Stewart

  Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

  "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", January 29, 2009.

  22 Copy quote

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• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  46 Copy quote

• My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dad, Father

  49 Copy quote

• To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  8 Copy quote

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• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  91 Copy quote

• My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

  Spike Milligan

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  29 Copy quote

• My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Funny, Father, Humor

  21 Copy quote

• Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.

  Al Unser

  Funny, Family, Boyfriend

  48 Copy quote

• Rich men's sons are seldom rich men's fathers.

  Herbert Kaufman

  Boyfriend, Father, Son

  14 Copy quote

• You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Father, Years, Style

  6 Copy quote

• I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Motivational, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  52 Copy quote

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• Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.

  Margaret Mead

  Boyfriend, Fathers Day, Dad

  Attributed to Margaret Mead in Harold A. Minden "Two Hugs for Survival" (p. 22), 1982.

  7 Copy quote

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• That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all.

  August Strindberg

  Funny, Boyfriend, Fathers Day

  August Strindberg (2014). “The Son of a Servant”, p.18, The Floating Press

  23 Copy quote

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• Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

  Dick Clark

  Funny, Boyfriend, Father

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  65 Copy quote

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• My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Good Morning, Father, Discovery

  18 Copy quote

• My father was not a failure. After all, he was the father of a president of the United States.

  Harry S. Truman

  Father, Failure, 4th Of July

  Harry S. Truman (1966). “Good old Harry: the wit and wisdom of Harry S. Truman”

  7 Copy quote

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• Whenever I fail as a father or husband... a toy and a diamond always works.

  Shahrukh Khan

  Husband, Dad, Father

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  19 Copy quote

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