Drinking Funny Quotes

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

  51 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

  Dean Martin

  Clever, Lying, Humorous

  In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

  215 Copy quote

  Show source

• I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  David Lee Roth

  Funny, Life, Sports

  "Roth Army" by Oliver Hurley, www.theguardian.com. August 27, 2004.

  98 Copy quote

  Show source

• Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Inspirational, Baby, Motivational Sports

  "Pumping Iron". Documentary, www.imdb.com. 1977.

  91 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  119 Copy quote

• The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Religious, Atheist

  George Bernard Shaw (1993). “The Complete Prefaces: 1914-1929”, Viking Adult

  138 Copy quote

  Show source

• What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

  W. Clement Stone

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  59 Copy quote
• 

  An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

  Dylan Thomas

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

  88 Copy quote

  Show source

• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

  Hunter S. Thompson

  Weed, Hate, Drinking

  FaceBook post by Hunter S. Thompson from Jul 15, 2014

  89 Copy quote

  Show source

• My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

  Henny Youngman

  Good Life, Grandma, Drinking

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  155 Copy quote

  Show source

• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  Henny Youngman

  Crazy, Drinking, Reading

  Quoted in Rocky Mountain News, 15 July 1994

  105 Copy quote

  Show source

• The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

  William Butler Yeats

  Drinking, Food, Humor

  31 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  67 Copy quote

  Show source

• When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.

  Francois Rabelais

  Drinking, Beer, Thinking

  26 Copy quote

• Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, House, Alcohol

  12 Copy quote

• I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Time, Drinking

  15 Copy quote

• I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Strong

  94 Copy quote

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  Albert Einstein

  Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory

  121 Copy quote

• Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

  Phyllis Diller

  Falling In Love, Drinking, Alcohol

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Drinking, Men, Alcohol

  8 Copy quote

• Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

  Bob Marley

  Weed, Hippie, Drinking

  106 Copy quote

• There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Benjamin Franklin (2008). “The Autobiography and Other Writings”, p.347, Bantam Classics

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Drinking, Alcohol, Mind

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  188 Copy quote

  Show source

• Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

  Wilhelm II

  Funny, Kings, Women

  150 Copy quote