Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
He that drinks fast, pays slow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
Good people drink good beer.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends
or simply: