I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.
Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.
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