Liquor Funny Quotes

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

  32 Copy quote

• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  Henny Youngman

  Crazy, Drinking, Reading

  Quoted in Rocky Mountain News, 15 July 1994

  105 Copy quote

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• The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

  William Butler Yeats

  Drinking, Food, Humor

  31 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  67 Copy quote

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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• Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

  Dudley Moore

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  19 Copy quote
• 

  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  172 Copy quote

• Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

  Drew Carey

  Funny, Sarcastic, Jobs

  49 Copy quote

• I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.

  John Huston

  God, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.

  Thomas de Quincey

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Thomas De Quincey (1841). “Confessions of an English Opium-eater: Being an Extract from the Life of a Scholar”, p.89

  9 Copy quote

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• I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

  Stonewall Jackson

  Drinking, Food, Alcohol

  Quoted by William Jones in The Life and Letters of Robert Edward Lee, Soldier and Man p. 443

  62 Copy quote

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• One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

  James Thurber

  Drinking, Beer, Two

  33 Copy quote

• I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before.

  Truman Capote

  Drinking, Thinking, Drunk

  "Fictional character: Paul "Fred" Varjak". "Breakfast at Tiffany's", 1961.

  9 Copy quote

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• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.

  Graham Greene

  Lying, Drinking, Wine

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

  25 Copy quote

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• No poems can please long or live that are written by water drinkers.

  Horace

  Food, Water, Long

  8 Copy quote

• No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Drinking, Beer, Animal

  All Things Considered (1908) "Wine When it is Red"

  12 Copy quote

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• The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.58, BookBaby

  10 Copy quote

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• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

  Graham Greene

  Truth, Lying, Drinking

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

  25 Copy quote

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• The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.

  H. L. Mencken

  Drinking, Men, Wind

  H. L. MENCKEN (1924). “PREJUDICES FOURTH SERIES”

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• I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humor, Water

  7 Copy quote

• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

  13 Copy quote

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• Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

  Phyllis Diller

  Falling In Love, Drinking, Alcohol

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

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• Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

  Seneca the Younger

  Drinking, Alcohol, Madness

  "Moral Letters to Lucilius (Letter LXXXIII)". Book by Seneca the Younger, 1920.

  103 Copy quote

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• If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.

  Joseph M. Schenck

  Lying, Drinking, Drunk

  9 Copy quote

• No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

  John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough

  Drinking, Book, Fighting

  20 Copy quote