Bob Hope Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Money, America

• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  Quoted in Alan Harrington, Life in the Crystal Palace (1959).

• I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Insperational, Proactive

• I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Laughter, Caring

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

• You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humorous

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

  Bob Hope

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

• I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

  Bob Hope

  Love, Funny, Witty

• Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Golf

• Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Humorous, Golf

• The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Humor, Giving

• As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Humorous, Food

• I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Running, President

• I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Running, Humorous

• A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

  Bob Hope

  Love, Funny, Hope

• Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, God, Humorous

  Bob Hope (2004). “Bob Hope”, Hyperion

• Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Humorous, America

  Bob Hope (2004). “Bob Hope”, Hyperion

• Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Humorous, Night

• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Inspirational Sports

• I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Sports, Boxing

• Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Money, Taken

• Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Golf, Together

• You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Book, Reading

  Bob Hope (2004). “Bob Hope”, Hyperion

• It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  Bob Hope (2004). “Bob Hope”, Hyperion

• After the 1984 Summer Olympics, Reagan wanted to add the U.S. volleyball team to his Cabinet. He figured if they can't shove his programs down Congress' throat, nobody can.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Summer, Volleyball

• Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Fog, California

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