Christopher Titus Quotes About Dad

Quotes about: Dad

• A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Praying Mantis, Black

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Everybody has hope for the perfect love. Normal people are raised to believe that there's someone out there who's your soulmate, your best friend, your lover. My dad always told me that when you find that person, "You gotta nail her"!

  Christopher Titus

  Soulmate, Dad, Believe

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Booty, Life Is

  "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Mad, Car

  "5th Annual End of the World Tour". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2007.

• Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, Hey dad, wassup ? He's thinking, Back off, old man, this surfer carcass is mine. Of course, when his girlfriend swims up and she's like, Way, you know, there's enough surfer for everybody. You and your dad need to frenzy together more. Leave you father a thigh.

  Christopher Titus

  Girlfriend, Dad, Father

  "Titus / NASCAR". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he said he didn't want people to think he couldn't commit. 'I don't want people not taking me serious.' Dad, your last marriage was performed in Reno by an ordained lesbian Elvis impersonator. Who you hit on.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Divorce, Thinking

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

• I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as a son, that you can never learn from Mom. Special things, important things. Like "never challenge Dad to a fist fight.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Father

• Your first leader is your dad. 'course he controls your food and shelter, so, he's not really a leader, he's more of a fascist dictator. But dictators have dreams too. Your dad doesn't. He gave them up when he had you. So remember that next time you say, I don't want to cut the lawn. Just shut up and mow the grass and save the lip for your teachers.

  Christopher Titus

  Dream, Teacher, Dad

  "Titus / The Pit". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon. These people all had a touch of crazy that fuelled their brilliance. They were not locked up for it like my mum. Pft. Then again, Winston Churchill never tried to kill my dad.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Crazy, People

  "Titus / Locking Up Mom". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get involved, you know, but he's my dad, I can't send him to his room or ground him or go to his first grade play and scream, "Look at the fairy!" I was a wood nymph.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Play, Nymphs

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Writing, Ties

  "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Husband, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

• My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12 black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Morning, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!

  Christopher Titus

  Good Night, Dad, Light

  "Titus / When I Say Jump". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who are exactly like us. And it doesn't matter. White. Black. Red. Yellow. Purple, uh oh, the purple people, are the worst. Man. All prejudiced and birth marky. But, we've got to learn to get past our differences. I learned that at the museum of tolerance. After my dad beat the crap out of a guy over a parking spot.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Past, Men

  "Titus / Too Damn Good". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. But, growing up, my Dad was always positive... that I'd never amount to anything.

  Christopher Titus

  Success, Growing Up, Dad

  "The Smell of Success". "Titus" (TV Series), m.imdb.com. 2001.

• Dad is a new person. A person who has learned that forgiveness is better then revenge. Next year, we'll teach him that heart attacks are not like women. You just can't keep having them!

  Christopher Titus

  Revenge, Dad, Heart

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a drifter and gave it to my father! 'Cause my dad's a drinker and I love my dad. And for eighty bucks, you can do anything in Mexico!

  Christopher Titus

  Jobs, Dad, Father

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.

  Christopher Titus

  Hurt, Truth, Dad

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people, want to be accepted. It's one of the few things we have in common. My whole life, all I ever wanted was my dad to pat me on the top of the head and go, Who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy? But, instead, all he ever did was wipe peanut butter on the end of my nose and laugh while I tried to lick it off.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Acceptance, Boys

  "Titus / Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without a helmet, permanent brain damage and in California you're getting a ticket. Too chatty on a date with my dad, well, he'll push you in front of a cross town bus. Of course, you know, I'm speaking metaphorically. My dad will push you in front of any bus.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Pay The Price, California

  "Titus / Three Strikes". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.

  Christopher Titus

  Running, Dad, Texas

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Three, Tails

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Fighting

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Weekend, Drunk

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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