Christopher Titus Quotes About Dad

Quotes about: Dad

• A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Praying Mantis, Black

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Everybody has hope for the perfect love. Normal people are raised to believe that there's someone out there who's your soulmate, your best friend, your lover. My dad always told me that when you find that person, "You gotta nail her"!

  Christopher Titus

  Soulmate, Dad, Believe

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Booty, Life Is

  "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Weekend, Drunk

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now?

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Father, Block

  "Titus / Episode 27". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car off of her baby. 'Course I would have said, Dude! Back up. But, wasn't my kid. When I was born, if I'd have known all the stuff my dad was going to do for me, I'd have crawled right back in.

  Christopher Titus

  Baby, Dad, Kids

  "Titus / The Test". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• Growing up, road trips with Dad were something I hated. Sitting still for hours, singing that stupid song, "100 bottles of beer on the wall. 100 bottles of beer..." Dad, you know, keeping up with the song.

  Christopher Titus

  Song, Wall, Growing Up

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.

  Christopher Titus

  Encouragement, Dad, Support

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.

  Christopher Titus

  Hurt, Powerful, Dad

  "Titus / The Test (". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably living in some Siberian ice cave eating bugs and weaving beads into their back hair. But they're out there. My dad believed that to find your perfect soul mate, first, you had to look through a bunch of other guys' soul mates.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Hair, Ice

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• If you want something bad enough, you've got to make a bold move. Just make sure you clear the bold move with the people whose lives it's going to affect. Like George Washington, had to get all those guys who the British killed to agree to die. Neil Armstrong, had to crank a couple of elbows into Buzz Aldrin's face mask to make sure he got on the moon first. And Christopher Titus, well, he worked his dad for five grand. Ha ha. Who can't support who ? I know, it's complicated.

  Christopher Titus

  Couple, Dad, Moving

  "The Gift of the Car Guy". "Titus" (TV Series), m.imdb.com. 2001.

• Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend now, we start hanging out. But we're still the same people. So we'd go out on Sunday, you know, and just be hanging out, then he'd, like, pick a guy, and we'd just go beat the crap out of that guy as a team. Memories, huh?

  Christopher Titus

  Memories, Dad, Team

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". www.imdb.com. 2004.

• I can't stop some idiot from crashing into a building or blowing up a bus, I can only be your dad and give you a few pure truths. Number one, duct tape will save your life. Number two, Tupac is alive, but I need you to keep that on the DL because of Suge. And number three, don't be afraid of anything - except the television news because they're lying to you every night.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Lying, Night

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on the front lawn.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Moving, Clothes

  "Titus / The Break-Up". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Father, Beer

  "The Reconciliation". "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000.

• In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect opportunity to create *new* petty differences and hatreds! My dad's from that era when you lived to 50, your heart exploded and that was that. You know when you cook bacon and you pour the grease into the can? My dad's the can!

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Heart, Opportunity

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.

  Christopher Titus

  Teacher, Growing Up, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life into the world, and the world's over. Nice timing, numbnuts!

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Nice, Voice

  "5th Annual End of the World Tour". www.imdb.com. 2007.

• Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Thinking, Water

  "Titus / Same Courtesy". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Grandma, Parent

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Beer

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Battle

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Mad, Car

  "5th Annual End of the World Tour". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2007.

• Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, Hey dad, wassup ? He's thinking, Back off, old man, this surfer carcass is mine. Of course, when his girlfriend swims up and she's like, Way, you know, there's enough surfer for everybody. You and your dad need to frenzy together more. Leave you father a thigh.

  Christopher Titus

  Girlfriend, Dad, Father

  "Titus / NASCAR". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he said he didn't want people to think he couldn't commit. 'I don't want people not taking me serious.' Dad, your last marriage was performed in Reno by an ordained lesbian Elvis impersonator. Who you hit on.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Divorce, Thinking

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

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