Jack Benny Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.

  Jack Benny

  Girl, Long, Car

  11 Copy quote

• I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Men, Quitting

  7 Copy quote

• As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Class, California

  16 Copy quote

• I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

  Jack Benny

  Hate, Believe, Comedian

  TV Series "The Jack Benny Program", 1950.

  6 Copy quote

• I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

  Jack Benny

  Business, Exaggeration Is, Want

  12 Copy quote

• I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

  Jack Benny

  Careers, San Francisco, Violin

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  5 Copy quote

• Gags die, humor doesn't.

  Jack Benny

  Death, Humor, Gags

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

  Jack Benny

  Order, Years, Giving

  25 Copy quote

• I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

  Jack Benny

  Men, Roger, Mets

  4 Copy quote

• I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

  Jack Benny

  Years, Rays, Responsible

  "The Jack Benny Program". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1950-1965.

  28 Copy quote

• When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!

  Jack Benny

  World, Als, Garlands

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  21 Copy quote

• The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!

  Jack Benny

  Pain, Doctors, Waiting

  13 Copy quote

• How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

  Jack Benny

  Practice, Carnegie, Carnegie Hall

  24 Copy quote

• I'm happy to be making my first appearance on air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which I know will be a great relief to my creditors.

  Jack Benny

  Mean, Air, Relief

  8 Copy quote

• Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

  Jack Benny

  Trying, Salary, Saving

  11 Copy quote

• Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face - even if it costs me my job.

  Jack Benny

  Jobs, Boss, Cost

  5 Copy quote

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