Robert Benchley Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.

  Robert Benchley

  Baseball, England And America, Games

  21 Copy quote

• Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

  Robert Benchley

  Drinking, People, Alcohol

  "The New Speaker's Treasury of Wit and Wisdom". Book by Herbert Victor Prochnow, 1958.

  10 Copy quote

• Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

  Robert Benchley

  Funny, Sarcastic, Retirement

  17 Copy quote

• It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.

  Robert Benchley

  Art, Play, Actors

  15 Copy quote

• This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as "regulations" but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.

  Robert Benchley

  Night, Office, Modern Life

  Robert Benchley (1970). “Benchley Lost and Found: 39 Prodigal Pieces”, p.33, Courier Corporation

  5 Copy quote

• A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

  Robert Benchley

  People, Done, Come Up

  Chips off the old Benchley (1949) "How to get things Done"

  12 Copy quote

• There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.

  Robert Benchley

  Taken, Vacation, Class

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.1, Glendower Media

  15 Copy quote

• The only cure for a real hangover is death.

  Robert Benchley

  Real, Hangover, Cures

  Robert Benchley (2016). “My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew”, p.297, Pickle Partners Publishing

  9 Copy quote

• If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.

  Robert Benchley

  Nature, Golf, Eggs

  6 Copy quote

• A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

  Robert Benchley

  Dog, Perseverance, Lying

  Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

  34 Copy quote

• Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.

  Robert Benchley

  Art, Empires, Entertainment

  Robert Benchley (1946). “One Minute, Please”

  4 Copy quote

• Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.

  Robert Benchley

  New York, Children, Central Park

  14 Copy quote

• The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.

  Robert Benchley

  Art, People, Four

  Robert Benchley (1940). “My Ten Years in a Quandary”

  6 Copy quote

• But ice-crunching and loud gum-chewing, together with drumming on tables, and whistling the same tune 70 times in succession, because they indicate an indifference on the part of the perpetrator to the rest of the world in general, are not only registered on the delicate surfaces of the brain but eat little holes in it until it finally collapses or blows up.

  Robert Benchley

  Blow, Ice, Brain

  Robert Benchley (1970). “Benchley Lost and Found: 39 Prodigal Pieces”, p.24, Courier Corporation

  20 Copy quote

• You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

  Robert Benchley

  Thinking, Years, Frozen

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.19, Glendower Media

  44 Copy quote

• Consider the number of young people all over the world who are getting married, day in and day out, for no other reason than thatsomeone of the opposite sex looks well in a green jersey or sings baritone, and then tell me that divorce has reached menacing proportions. The surface of divorce has not even been scratched yet.

  Robert Benchley

  Marriage, Sex, Divorce

  Robert Benchley (2016). “My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew”, p.132, Pickle Partners Publishing

  8 Copy quote

• The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

  Robert Benchley

  Funny, Family, Dog

  Robert Benchley (1976). “Chips Off the Old Benchley”, Amereon Limited

  10 Copy quote

• Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.

  Robert Benchley

  Children, Class, Modern Life

  Robert Benchley (2010). “The Athletic Benchley: 105 Exercises from the Detroit Athletic Club News”, p.25, Glendower Media

  4 Copy quote

• There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.

  Robert Benchley

  Reading, May, Firsts

  Robert Benchley (1922). “Love Conquers All”

  4 Copy quote

• There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.

  Robert Benchley

  Children, Class, Two

  4 Copy quote

• Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.

  Robert Benchley

  Half, Letters, Today

  Robert Benchley (1943). “Benchley beside himself”

  4 Copy quote

• You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.

  Robert Benchley

  Rain, Lakes, Sea

  Robert Benchley (1946). “One Minute, Please”

  4 Copy quote

• The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.

  Robert Benchley

  Smart, People, Smoking

  Robert Benchley (1932). “No Poems”

  9 Copy quote

• You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

  Robert Benchley

  Inspirational, Suicide, Want

  4 Copy quote

• I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.

  Robert Benchley

  Thinking, House, Facts

  Robert Benchley (2016). “My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew”, p.151, Pickle Partners Publishing

  10 Copy quote

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