You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.
You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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