Wittiest Quotes

• Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

  Lily Tomlin

  Laughing, Survival, Should

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• Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library. A company of the wisest and wittiest men that could be picked out of all civil countries, in a thousand years, have set in best order the results of their learning and wisdom.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Country, Book, Reading

  Ralph Waldo Emerson (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson (Illustrated)”, p.2472, Delphi Classics

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• I own four copies of Robin WIlliams's Live on Broadway comedy special for HBO. One in Wilmington, one in L.A., one in my trailer, and one at my parents' house. I can watch it over and over again and it never gets old. He is the funniest, wittiest man on the planet!

  Sophia Bush

  Men, Hbo, House

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• If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

  Quentin Crisp

  Funny, Success, Sarcastic

  "Writer, colorful gay figure Quentin Crisp dead at 90". www.cnn.com. November 21, 1999.

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• There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Witty

  Oscar Wilde (2012). “Epigrams”, p.37, BoD – Books on Demand

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• The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Oscar Wilde, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde: Novel, Short Stories, Poetry, Essays and Plays”, p.810, GENERAL PRESS

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• When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Inspiring

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• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

  Albert Einstein

  Funny, Hilarious, Education

  Albert Einstein (2015). “Bite-Size Einstein: Quotations on Just About Everything from the Greatest Mind of the Twentieth Century”, p.32, St. Martin's Press

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• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Leadership

  'Lady Windermere's Fan' (1892) act 3

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• Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

  Mark Twain

  Life, Graduation, Wise

  "Mark Twain, selected writings of an American skeptic". Book by Mark Twain, 1983.

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• We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Positive

  Lady Windermere's Fan act 3 (1892)

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• I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, God, Sarcastic

  Oscar Wilde (2012). “Oscar Wilde's Wit and Wisdom: A Book of Quotations”, p.12, Courier Corporation

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• All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Mothers Day, Mom

  The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895). The same lines appear, as a dialogue between Lord Illingworth and Mrs. Allonby, in A Woman of No Importance, act 2 (1893).

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• Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.

  Robert Jones Burdette

  Meaningful, Good Life, Live Life

  "Mark Twain: Selected Writings of an American Skeptic". Book by Mark Twain, 1983.

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• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

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• The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.

  Hector Hugh Munro

  Food, Cooking, Culinary

  Reginald (1904) "Reginald on Besetting Sins"

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• A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Sarcasm

  'The Critic as Artist' pt. 2 in 'Intentions' (1891)

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• Tis never for their wisdom that one loves the wisest...

  Hester Lynch Piozzi

  Wisdom, Intelligence, One Love

  "Diary and Letters of Madame d'Arblay" edited by Charlotte Barrett, (vol. 2, p. 3), 1854.

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• Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Witty

  Oscar Wilde (1947). “The Happy Prince”, p.16, New Line Publishing

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• 

  It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

  Oscar Wilde

  People, Luck, Enemy

  LadyWindermere's Fan act 1 (1892)

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• To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Life, Confidence

  "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

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• Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Motivational, Business

  Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 19, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

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• True friends stab you in the front.

  Oscar Wilde

  Best Friend, Friendship, Funny Love

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• It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

  Jane Austen

  Inspirational, Funny, Relationship

  Pride and Prejudice ch. 1 (1813)

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