Wittiest Quotes - Page 2

• Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

  Mark Twain

  Inspiration, Land, Estates

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.53, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Valentines Day

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• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

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• Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Fashion

  Oscar Wilde “The Picture of Dorian Gray - and more”, Eighty Pence Books

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• To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Family, Sarcastic

  The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895)

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• There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Humor, Things In Life

  The Picture of Dorian Gray ch. 1 (1891) See Behan 3; Modern Proverbs 71

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• I can resist everything except temptation.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Lady Windermere's Fan act 1 (1892) See Balzac 1; Clementina Graham 1; Mae West 19; Wilde 25

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• The French are the wittiest, the most charming, and up to the present, at all events, the least musical race on Earth.

  Stendhal

  Race, Musical, Events

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• A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

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• Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

  William Shakespeare

  Cute, Witty, Fools Day

  'Twelfth Night' (1601) act 1, sc. 5, l. [37]

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• Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  Oscar Wilde (1947). “The Happy Prince”, p.16, New Line Publishing

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• Real friends stab you in the front.

  Jonathan Davis

  Friendship, Im Sorry, True Friend

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• My senior year of high school, I was voted Wittiest. So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.

  Barbara Park

  Senior, Witty, Writing

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• Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

  Harlan Ellison

  Writing, Intelligent, Praise

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• The wittiest authors evoke a barely perceptible smile.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Evoke, Wit

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• 'Tis never for their wisdom that one loves the wisest, or for their wit that one loves the wittiest; 'tis for benevolence, and virtue, and honest fondness, one loves people...

  Hester Lynch Piozzi

  Love, People, Honest

  "Diary and Letters of Madame d'Arblay" edited by Charlotte Barrett, (vol. 2, p. 3), 1854.

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• Consider what you have in the smallest well-chosen library-a company of the wisest and wittiest men which can be plucked out of all civilized countries in a thousand years. The men themselves were then hidden and inaccessible. They were solitary, impatient of interruption, and fenced by etiquette. But now they are immortal, and the thought they did not reveal, even to their bosom friends, is here written out in transparent words of light to us, who are strangers of another age.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Friendship, Country, Men

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• Advertising companies hire the very brightest, wittiest young people to write for them. Not one single sentence of it is worth repeating. Why? Because it wasn't meant.

  Brenda Ueland

  Writing, People, Advertising

  Brenda Ueland (1987). “If You Want to Write”

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• I usually say I write for the smartest, cleverest, wittiest audience I know, and that's me.

  Harlan Ellison

  Writing, Audience, Knows

  Interview with Tasha Robinson, www.avclub.com. June 8, 2008.

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• There is a road from the eye to the heart that does not go through the intellect. Men do not quarrel about the meaning of sunsets; they never dispute that the hawthorn says the best and wittiest thing about the spring.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Spring, Sunset, Eye

  "The Defendant". Book by Gilbert K. Chesterton, 1901.

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• Beauty is something that is hard to debate. Every man thinks his ideal the best. But the wittiest woman rise to the top of this structure, conventional beauty often taking a back seat to a woman possessed of a clever tongue.

  Anne Mallory

  Clever, Men, Thinking

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• Have you ever rightly considered what the mere ability to read means? That it is the key which admits us to the whole world of thought and fancy and imagination? to the company of saint and sage, of the wisest and the wittiest at their wisest and wittiest moment? That it enables us to see with the keenest eyes, hear with the finest ears, and listen to the sweetest voices of all time? More than that, it annihilates time and space for us.

  James Russell Lowell

  Reading, Mean, Eye

  James Russell Lowell (1887). “Democracy and other Addresses”

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• If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest.' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

  Lily Tomlin

  Thinking, Ideas, Laughing

  "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe". Play by Jane Wagner, 1985.

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• Already known as one of America’s best and wittiest poets, William Trowbridge has, in Ship of Fool, found the perfect vessel to convey his vision: comic, tender, wry, compassionate, full of insight and rueful understanding of what it means to carry on, cream pies in the face, pants falling down as the Green Weenie rampages through our foolish, beautiful lives.

  Charles Harper Webb

  Beautiful, Fall, Mean

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• If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

  Jane Wagner

  Thinking, Ideas, Survival

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