Parenthood Funny Quotes

• You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

  Franklin P. Adams

  Patience, Baby, Funny Inspirational

  67 Copy quote

• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

  Show source

• You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Family, Children, Growing Up

  12 Copy quote

• Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

  Sam Levenson

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  52 Copy quote

• Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

  Charles R. Swindoll

  Family, Friday, Mother

  "Creating Fond Memories With Our Children" by Dr. Hyder Zahed, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 15, 2014.

  192 Copy quote

  Show source

• The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

  Dorothy Parker

  Inspirational, Funny, Hilarious

  Dorothy Parker (2004). “Dorothy Parker in Her Own Words”, Taylor Trade Publishing

  41 Copy quote

  Show source

• When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Mom

  99 Copy quote

• I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.

  Anne Lamott

  Inspiring, Funny Inspirational, Children

  Anne Lamott (1994). “Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year”, Fawcett

  61 Copy quote

  Show source

• Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

  Ed Asner

  Funny, Thank You, Kids

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  77 Copy quote

  Show source

• All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Inspirational, Children, Parenting

  41 Copy quote

• Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.124, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

  Bill Cosby

  Family, Kids, Parenting

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

  37 Copy quote

  Show source

• I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.

  Umberto Eco

  Fathers Day, Dad, Believe

  Umberto Eco (2007). “Foucault's Pendulum”, p.60, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  94 Copy quote

  Show source

• There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  Family, Inspiring, Children

  32 Copy quote

• It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it

  Robert Breault

  Family, Children, Parenting

  20 Copy quote

• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Family

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2010

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child.

  Gail Sheehy

  Love, Family, Marriage

  28 Copy quote

• If you can control your behavior when everything around you is out of control, you can model for your children a valuable lesson in patience and understanding... and snatch an opportunity to shape character.

  Jane Clayson Johnson

  Children, Character, Parenting

  46 Copy quote

• The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.

  Debra Ginsberg

  Children, Heart, Parenting

  12 Copy quote

• Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.

  Robert Breault

  Kids, Expectations, Parent

  9 Copy quote

• I think once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer.

  Jodi Picoult

  Mother, Parenting, Funny Parent

  "My Sister's Keeper". Book by Jodi Picoult, April 6, 2004.

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Inspirational, Life, Relationship

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (2000). “Life's Instructions for Wisdom, Success, and Happiness”, p.83, Thomas Nelson Inc

  121 Copy quote

  Show source

• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Dog, Children

  11 Copy quote

• Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.

  Bill Ayers

  Kids, Parenting, Compassion

  "An Unconditional Embrace". Interview with Gabriel Lyon, www.tolerance.org. Spring 1998.

  58 Copy quote

  Show source

• Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.

  Debra Ginsberg

  Mom, Funny Inspirational, Children

  52 Copy quote