Funny Parent Quotes

• The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

  Jean Kerr

  Children, Real, Humorous

  Jean Kerr (1959). “Please Don't Eat the Daisies”

  82 Copy quote

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• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Witty, Happy Mothers Day

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  21 Copy quote

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• It's not only children who grow. Parents do too.

  Joyce Maynard

  Children, Parenting, Single Child

  Joyce Maynard (2010). “At Home in the World: A Memoir”, p.300, Macmillan

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• When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Mom

  99 Copy quote

• Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Death, Fathers Day, Children

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.117, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  Family, Inspiring, Children

  32 Copy quote

• Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.124, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The beauty of 'spacing' children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with the older ones - which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones.

  Sydney J. Harris

  Children, Mistake, Lying

  Sydney J. Harris (1964). “Leaving the Surface”

  53 Copy quote

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• Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Time, Children, Memorable

  "The Complete Neurotic's Notebook". Book by Mignon McLaughlin, 1981.

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• It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.

  Joyce Maynard

  Family, Mother, Children

  Joyce Maynard (2010). “At Home in the World: A Memoir”, p.300, Macmillan

  88 Copy quote

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• You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

  Robert Frost

  Family, Fathers Day, Mother

  Robert Frost, Elaine Barry (1973). “Robert Frost on writing”, Rutgers Univ Pr

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• Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Life, Children, Humorous

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Oct 04, 2010

  64 Copy quote

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• Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

  Bill Cosby

  Family, Parenting, Justice

  Twitter post from Nov 03, 2009

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• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

  Bill Cosby

  Education, Sex, Believe

  102 Copy quote

• The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

  Kin Hubbard

  Funny, Uplifting, Mom

  8 Copy quote

• Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Life, Education, Children

  61 Copy quote

• Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

  David Frost

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  89 Copy quote

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• In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Children

  25 Copy quote

• Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Family, Good Night, Baby

  "Fictional character: Jennifer Jareau". "Criminal Minds" ("Boxed In", Season 10, Episode 5), October 29, 2014.

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• The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.

  Frank A. Clark

  Children, Parenting, Important

  68 Copy quote

• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  67 Copy quote

• Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

  Sam Levenson

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  52 Copy quote

• It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

  Barbara Kingsolver

  Mothers Day, Mom, Daughter

  "Animal Dreams". Book by Barbara Kingsolver, September 1990.

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• As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

  Buddy Hackett

  Funny, Family, Mothers Day

  106 Copy quote

• You will always be your child's favorite toy.

  Vicki Lansky

  Mom, Children, Parent

  "Trouble-free Travel with Children: Helpful Hints for Parents on the Go". Book by Vicki Lansky, 1991.

  19 Copy quote

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