Funny Parent Quotes - Page 3

• Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

  Bill Cosby

  Motivational, Baby, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 06, 2009

  57 Copy quote

  Show source

• Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Children, Food

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.113, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kid's therapy.

  Michelle Pfeiffer

  Funny, Husband, Kids

  18 Copy quote

• If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

  Abigail Van Buren

  Inspirational, Motivational, Family

  68 Copy quote

• We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Hilarious, Mom

  1261 Copy quote

• To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.

  Josh Billings

  Family, Children, Dad

  Josh Billings (1953). “Uncle Sam&s uncle Josh”

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mom, Witty, Funny Inspirational

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.81, Penguin

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Parenting

  60 Copy quote

• Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.

  Joey Adams

  Children, Parent, Advice

  Joey Adams (1981). “Strictly for laughs”, A & W Publishers, Inc.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  91 Copy quote

• Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

  Ed Asner

  Funny, Thank You, Kids

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  77 Copy quote

  Show source

• The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.

  King Edward VIII

  Children, Parenting, America

  Look 5 Mar. 1957

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

  Bill Cosby

  Family, Kids, Parenting

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

  37 Copy quote

  Show source

• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

  70 Copy quote

  Show source

• All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Inspirational, Children, Parenting

  41 Copy quote
• 

  If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  248 Copy quote

• If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.

  Bette Davis

  Mom, Mother, Children

  130 Copy quote

• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Family

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2010

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

  Charles R. Swindoll

  Family, Friday, Mother

  "Creating Fond Memories With Our Children" by Dr. Hyder Zahed, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 15, 2014.

  192 Copy quote

  Show source

• A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  44 Copy quote

• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

  93 Copy quote

  Show source

• You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Family, Children, Growing Up

  12 Copy quote

• Your children need your presence more than your presents.

  Jesse Jackson

  Inspirational, Birthday, Family

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  97 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

  Robert Fulghum

  Marriage, Mother, Children

  "Reflections for Tending the Sacred Garden". Book by Bonita Jean Zimmer (p. 182), April 2003.

  176 Copy quote

  Show source

• Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

  Mark Twain

  Children, Effort, Parent

  12 Copy quote