Lottery Quotes

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Money, Epic

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• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Inspirational, Money, Math

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  Life is a lottery that we've already won. But most people have not cashed in their tickets.

  Louise Hay

  People, Tickets, Life Is

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• Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons". Season 4, Episode 1: "Kamp Krusty", www.imdb.com. September 24, 1992.

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• I have never played the lottery in my life and never will. Voltaire described lotteries as a tax on stupidity. More specifically, I think, on innumeracy.

  Daniel Tammet

  Thinking, Stupidity, Taxes

  "This much I know" by John Hind, www.theguardian.com. January 31, 2009.

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• Luck is not as random as you think. Before that lottery ticket won the jackpot, someone had to buy it.

  Vera Nazarian

  Thinking, Luck, Tickets

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• I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Money, Winning

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• The universe will throw somebody a bone every now and then, and you win the lottery. But for the most part, you get in this life what you put in.

  Arian Foster

  Winning, Bones, Now And Then

  "'Cerebral' Houston RB Arian Foster goes from undrafted to unstoppable". www.foxnews.com. September 16, 2010.

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• Well you can't win the lottery if you don't have a ticket

  Andy Gray

  Winning, Tickets, Gray

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• There's a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint,'Dear saint-please, please, please...give me the grace to win the lottery.' This lament goes on for months. Finally the exasperated statue come to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust,'My son-please, please, please...buy a ticket.

  Elizabeth Gilbert

  Son, Italian, Winning

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• Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

  Bill Watterson

  Winning, Snow, Hobbes

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• People would love to be rich, but they're looking for the easy way. Who wouldn't want to win the lottery? Just to score.

  Bryan Cranston

  Winning, People, Want

  "Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul discuss their cutthroat relationship on 'Breaking Bad'". Interview with Glenn Whipp, articles.latimes.com. June 10, 2010.

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• I despise the Lottery. There's less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit on the head by a passing asteroid.

  Brian May

  Funny, Money, Asteroids

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Winning

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• There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction. There are certain lottery tickets I can buy, thereby increasing my odds of finding contentment. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with.

  Elizabeth Gilbert

  Fall, Fate, Odds

  Elizabeth Gilbert (2009). “Eat Pray Love: One Woman's Search for Everything”, p.186, Bloomsbury Publishing

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• That the chance of gain is naturally over-valued, we may learn from the universal success of lotteries.

  Adam Smith

  May, Gains, Chance

  Adam Smith (1827). “An Inquiry Into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations”, p.45

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• I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Scratches

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• Tho marriage be a lottery in which there are a wondrous many blanks, yet there is one inestimable lot in which the only heaven on earth is written.

  John Vanbrugh

  Heaven, Earth, Written

  Colley Cibber, Sir Richard Steele, George Farquhar, sir John Vanbrugh, William Congreve (1765). “THE ENGLISH THEATRE IN EIGHT VOLUMES: CONTAINING The Most Valuable PLAYS Which Have Been Acted on the LONDON STAGE.. INCONSTANT. By Mr. Farzuhar ; LOVE FOR LOVE. By Mr. Congreve ; LOVE MAKES A MAN. By C. Cibber, Esq. ; LYING LOVER. By Sir Rich. Steele ; PROVOKED WIFE. By Sir John Vanbrugh. VOL. V.”

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• Professionally, I feel like I won the lottery and I am the luckiest person in the entire world.

  Jonah Hill

  World, Feels, Persons

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• Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!

  Norm MacDonald

  Merry Christmas, Thinking, Guy

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• You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats

  Jay Leno

  Two, Winner, Democrat

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• Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life.

  Cecil Rhodes

  Firsts, Remember, Englishmen

  In Peter Ustinov 'Dear Me' (1977) ch. 4

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• I think people really marry far too much; it is such a lottery after all, and for a poor woman a very doubtful happiness.

  Queen Victoria

  Happiness, Marriage, Thinking

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• Adventure upon all the tickets in the lottery, and you lose for certain; and the greater the number of your tickets the nearer your approach to this certainty.

  Adam Smith

  Travel, Business, Adventure

  Adam Smith (2016). “Delphi Complete Works of Adam Smith (Illustrated)”, p.531, Delphi Classics

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• I'm happy to be reminded that an ordinary day full of nothing but nothingness can make you feel like you've won the lottery.

  Susan Orlean

  Ordinary Days, Like You, Feels

  "Snow Day" by Susan Orlean, www.newyorker.com. January 12, 2011.

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