Funny Valentines Day Card Quotes

• It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

  Fred Allen

  Love, Stay Strong, Goal

  54 Copy quote

• Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

  Mickey Rooney

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  "Philip French's screen legends" by Philip French, www.theguardian.com. May 15, 2010.

  16 Copy quote

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• The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Love, Funny, Humor

  24 Copy quote

• The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

  Albert Ellis

  Love, Relationship, Inspiring

  15 Copy quote

• The bravest thing that men do is love women.

  Mort Sahl

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Silly

  11 Copy quote

• I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

  Robert Orben

  Valentines Day, Girl, Heart

  Robert Orben (1969). “The Ad-libber's Handbook: 2000 New Laughs for Speakers”

  11 Copy quote

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• Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.

  Thomas Szasz

  Funny, Happiness, Wisdom

  The Second Sin "Emotions" (1973)

  21 Copy quote

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• I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.

  Jonathan Swift

  Funny, Inspiration, Being In Love

  1738 Polite Conversation, dialogue 2.

  13 Copy quote

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• One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

  Judith Viorst

  Love, Marriage, Funny Valentines Day

  Judith Viorst (1987). “Love and Guilt and the Meaning of Life, Etc.”, Fireside

  54 Copy quote

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• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Boyfriend, Marriage, Breakup

  21 Copy quote

• The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

  Ann Landers

  Being Happy, Funny Inspirational, Funny Valentines Day

  51 Copy quote

• Money gives me pleasure all the time.

  Hilaire Belloc

  Giving, Silly Love, Funny Valentine

  'Fatigued' (1923)

  9 Copy quote

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• I'm tired of love; I'm still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time.

  Hilaire Belloc

  Love, Money, Tired

  Sonnets and Verse (1923) "Fatigued"

  20 Copy quote

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• Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

  Lynda Barry

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Funny Love

  58 Copy quote

• Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Relationship, Littles

  Helen Rowland (1909). “Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”

  11 Copy quote

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• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  153 Copy quote

• Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

  Judith Viorst

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  "The Problem Behind All Problems". Book by Michael Hansbury, 2009.

  18 Copy quote

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  Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Love, Life, Positive

  Robert A. Heinlein (1987). “Stranger in a Strange Land”, p.340, Penguin

  213 Copy quote

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• Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Men

  William Shakespeare (1998). “As You Like It”, p.57, Courier Corporation

  39 Copy quote

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• What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

  Pearl Bailey

  Love, Romantic, Valentines Day

  "Weekly World News" Magazine, Vol. 26, No. 33, April 25, 2005.

  59 Copy quote

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• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Anniversary, Valentines Day

  102 Copy quote

• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  94 Copy quote

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• A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Love, Valentines Day, Nature

  "An Uncommon Scold". Book by Abby Adams, 1989.

  43 Copy quote

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• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  258 Copy quote

• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

  88 Copy quote