Funny Parenting Quotes

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  If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

  Milton Berle

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  248 Copy quote

• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  67 Copy quote
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  Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

  Robert Fulghum

  Marriage, Mother, Children

  "Reflections for Tending the Sacred Garden". Book by Bonita Jean Zimmer (p. 182), April 2003.

  176 Copy quote

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• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

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• Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

  Sam Levenson

  Funny, Mothers Day, Hilarious

  52 Copy quote

• Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

  Charles R. Swindoll

  Family, Friday, Mother

  "Creating Fond Memories With Our Children" by Dr. Hyder Zahed, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 15, 2014.

  192 Copy quote

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• A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  44 Copy quote

• All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Inspirational, Children, Parenting

  41 Copy quote

• Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children.

  Doris Day

  Children, Wrinkles, Parent

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  91 Copy quote

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• Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

  Phyllis Diller

  Growing Up, Children, Silly

  Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

  66 Copy quote

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• Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

  Ed Asner

  Funny, Thank You, Kids

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  77 Copy quote

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• When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Mom

  99 Copy quote

• It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.

  Joyce Maynard

  Family, Mother, Children

  Joyce Maynard (2010). “At Home in the World: A Memoir”, p.300, Macmillan

  88 Copy quote

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• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

  91 Copy quote

• I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.

  Anne Lamott

  Inspiring, Funny Inspirational, Children

  Anne Lamott (1994). “Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year”, Fawcett

  61 Copy quote

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• A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

  Bill Vaughan

  Happiness, Baby, Children

  47 Copy quote

• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

  70 Copy quote

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• We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Hilarious, Mom

  1261 Copy quote

• Your children need your presence more than your presents.

  Jesse Jackson

  Inspirational, Birthday, Family

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  97 Copy quote

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• As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

  Buddy Hackett

  Funny, Family, Mothers Day

  106 Copy quote

• If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

  Abigail Van Buren

  Inspirational, Motivational, Family

  68 Copy quote

• You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

  Franklin P. Adams

  Patience, Baby, Funny Inspirational

  67 Copy quote

• You see much more of your children once they leave home.

  Lucille Ball

  Funny, Witty, Children

  "The Last Word" by Carolyn Warner, (Ch. 16), 1992.

  15 Copy quote

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• To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Family, Sarcastic

  The Importance of Being Earnest act 1 (1895)

  34 Copy quote

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• To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.

  Josh Billings

  Family, Children, Dad

  Josh Billings (1953). “Uncle Sam&s uncle Josh”

  16 Copy quote

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