J. B. Smoove Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.

  J. B. Smoove

  Boss, Causes, Late

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• Women put guys through tests all the time.

  J. B. Smoove

  Guy, Tests

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• I'm, like, everybody's friend. I'm one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with them. I accept different types of people.

  J. B. Smoove

  Race, People, Personality

  Interview with Joel Keller, www.avclub.com. September 1, 2011.

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• I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.

  J. B. Smoove

  Krispy Kreme, Two, Red

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• There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.

  J. B. Smoove

  Smart, Book, People

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• I'm a thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers.

  J. B. Smoove

  Opportunity, Thieves, Stealing

  Source: www.askmen.com

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• I live in New York right now but I'm originally from my daddy's nuts. We all are. Think about, we the lucky ones - we made it. You all are winners. That's the first race you ever won.

  J. B. Smoove

  New York, Thinking, Race

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• I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things, you can't leave the bathroom door open...you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.

  J. B. Smoove

  Doors, Feet, Want

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  69 Copy quote

• I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused the plane to lose pressure, and the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. We felt the plane dropping; the pilot was taking it down to regain cabin pressure. My heart was in my stomach. I found out after landing that her mom was in labor. I did the show and came back to New York. By the time I walked into the hospital, my daughter was being born. She was waiting for me. She's a sweet daddy's girl. She's premed. She has her own pie company. She works for Habitat for Humanity.

  J. B. Smoove

  Girl, Mom, Daughter

  7 Copy quote

• What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

  J. B. Smoove

  Happens, Storyline

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• I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.

  J. B. Smoove

  Home, Men, America

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• You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.

  J. B. Smoove

  Believe, Shining, Stuff

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• This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

  J. B. Smoove

  Italian, Giving, Mustache

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• Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.

  J. B. Smoove

  Believe, Writing, Challenges

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• You don't want to take the world over with a whole hamper full of dirty clothes. That's the main thing people overlook. And take a shower, take a bath every day.

  J. B. Smoove

  Dirty, Clothes, People

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• I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.

  J. B. Smoove

  Believe, Acting, Painting

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• I have to satisfy my audience.

  J. B. Smoove

  Audience

  "Curb Your Enthusiasm's JB Smoove". Interview with Andy Seifert, www.avclub.com. June 16, 2010.

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• I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.

  J. B. Smoove

  Iwo Jima, People, Black

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• I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.

  J. B. Smoove

  Brain, Next, Gears

  "JB Smoove, comic and torturer". TheWrap.com Interview, www.reuters.com. January 20, 2012.

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• For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.

  J. B. Smoove

  Moving

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• Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on what they're going to say, and they're not listening. You have to listen in order to see where the other person is going to.

  J. B. Smoove

  Order, People, Listening

  "THAT’S HOW HE DOOZ IT! One-on-One with Comedian JB Smoove". Interview with Sergio Mims, www.ebony.com. April 2, 2012.

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• I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.

  J. B. Smoove

  Fire, Doors, Buttons

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• I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.

  J. B. Smoove

  Heart, Benjamin Button, Buttons

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• I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.

  J. B. Smoove

  Believe, Use, Products

  "J.B. Smoove Talks New Series ‘Bent,’ Plan To Become A Comedy Mogul". Interview with Brennan Williams, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 19, 2012.

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• I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.

  J. B. Smoove

  New York, Smart, Ohio

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