George Burns Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

  George Burns

  Jogging, Martini, Spills

  23 Copy quote

• When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

  George Burns

  Inspiring, Teamwork, Light

  116 Copy quote

• Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

  George Burns

  Relationship, Funny Love, Love You

  George Burns (1988). “Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed”, Putnam Publishing Group

  94 Copy quote

• There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.

  George Burns

  Light, Doors, Car

  George Burns (1986). “Dear George”, Perigee Books

  33 Copy quote

• Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

  George Burns

  Funny, Humor, Good Woman

  "It's a Great Deal, All Three of Me Think So". Book by Bruce A. Rosenblat, 2009.

  26 Copy quote

• When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

  George Burns

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

  25 Copy quote

• I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

  George Burns

  Feel Better, Love Is, Making Love

  21 Copy quote

• Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  George Burns

  Funny, Success, Fake People

  86 Copy quote

• I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

  George Burns

  Retirement, Age, Faces

  21 Copy quote

• Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

  George Burns

  Thinking, Laughing, Make You Think

  16 Copy quote

• Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate.

  George Burns

  Falling In Love, Hate, Successful

  42 Copy quote

• It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

  George Burns

  Running, Cutting, Hair

  18 Copy quote

• People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

  George Burns

  Birthday, Retirement, People

  61 Copy quote

• It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

  George Burns

  Funny, Sex, Dirty

  15 Copy quote

• At my age flowers scare me.

  George Burns

  Funny, Birthday, Flower

  George Burns (1991). “The Most of George Burns”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

  10 Copy quote

• Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.

  George Burns

  Men, Games, Play

  19 Copy quote

• Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

  George Burns

  Funny, Teacher, Witty

  74 Copy quote

• I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

  George Burns

  Funny, Witty, Complaining

  33 Copy quote

• I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

  George Burns

  Funny, Humorous, Kids

  26 Copy quote

• If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

  George Burns

  Funny, Stress, Humor

  George Burns (1989). “How to live to be 100--or more: the ultimate diet, sex, and exercise book”, Plume

  83 Copy quote

• I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

  George Burns

  Age, Taught, Aging

  8 Copy quote

• Be quick to learn and wise to know.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Wise, Learning

  15 Copy quote

• There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

  George Burns

  Bed, Way, Dies

  George Burns, Hal Goldman (1992). “Wisdom of the 90s”, Perigee Books

  12 Copy quote

• I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do.

  George Burns

  Being Thankful, Each Day, Stills

  15 Copy quote

• Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  47 Copy quote

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