First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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