Bill Bailey Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• "God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Queens, Humor

  "Part Troll". Documentary, Comedy, Music, 2004.

  4 Copy quote

• I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Magazines

  "Tinselworm". Documentary, Comedy, 2008.

  6 Copy quote

• Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.

  Bill Bailey

  Television, Littles, Gigs

  Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

  4 Copy quote

• Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Would Be

  "Bill Bailey: Part Troll", 2004.

  15 Copy quote

• I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Dad, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Animal

  "Bewilderness in New York". Comedy album by Bill Bailey, 2002.

  13 Copy quote

• I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.

  Bill Bailey

  Morning, Holiday, Son

  Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

  6 Copy quote

• So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!

  Bill Bailey

  Beautiful, Beautiful Things

  6 Copy quote

• I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

  Bill Bailey

  Fun, Teaching, College

  Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

  4 Copy quote

• Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? "Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit."

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

  "Tinselworm". Documentary, Comedy, 2008.

  9 Copy quote

• I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.

  Bill Bailey

  Bird, Bottles, Stuff

  Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

  10 Copy quote

• Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Unique

  "Dandelion Mind". Stand-up Comedy Tour, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

• I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Existentialist

  4 Copy quote

• This shed does not contain me.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Doe

  Game from DVD version of Bewilderness,

  4 Copy quote

• American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Rocks

  "Bill Bailey: Part Troll". Documentary, Comedy, Music, www.imdb.com. 2004.

  7 Copy quote

• Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Mother, Humor

  "QI". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 2004.

  7 Copy quote

• At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.

  Bill Bailey

  Jobs, College, Thinking

  Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

  5 Copy quote

• Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Cheese

  "Never Mind the Buzzcocks". Comedy, Game-Show, Music, 1996–2015.

  8 Copy quote

• Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

  Bill Bailey

  Stupid, Commitment, Numbers

  4 Copy quote

• But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Country, Humor

  "Cosmic Jam". Comic DVD, 2005.

  4 Copy quote

• I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Running, Country

  4 Copy quote

• Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Talking

  "Part Troll". Documentary, Comedy, Music, 2004.

  4 Copy quote

• There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Couple, Humor

  "Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra". Comedy, Music, May 9, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

  Bill Bailey

  Animal, Fruit, Stealing

  "Bill Bailey: Tinselworm". Documentary, Comedy, 2008.

  8 Copy quote

• I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

  Bill Bailey

  Funny, Humor, Woods

  "Bill Bailey: Bewilderness". Documentary, Comedy, 2001.

  5 Copy quote

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