Terry Pratchett Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, People, Ankh

  "The Compleat Ankh-Morpork". Book by Terry Pratchett, 2012.

• ...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Humorous, People

• Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Life, Intelligent

• If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Motivational, Trust

  FaceBook post by Terry Pratchett from Aug 28, 2015

• It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Life, Eye

• If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.

  Terry Pratchett

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Learning, Ignorance

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Equal Rites: (Discworld Novel 3)”, Random House

• Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Cat, Animal

  "The Unadulterated Cat". Book by Terry Pratchett, 1989.

• 'Don't think of it as dying,' said Death. 'Just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.'

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Thinking, Leaving

  "Good Omens". Book by Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, 1990.

• Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Dog, Cat

• The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Running, Rocks

  "Terry Pratchett in quotes: 15 of the best". www.theguardian.com. March 12, 2015.

• The world is a globe — the farther you sail, the closer to home you are.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Travel, Home

  "The Ghost Girl and the Naked Savage" by James Hynes, www.nytimes.com. December 05, 2008.

• Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Stupid, Animal

  "Small Gods". Book by Terry Pratchett, 1992.

• The most prudent thing any intelligent animal can do, if it would prefer its descendents not to spend a lot of time on a slab with electrodes clamped to their brains or sticking mines on the bottom of ships, or being patronised by zoologists, is to make bloody certain humans don't find out about it.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Animal, Intelligent

• -Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Witty, Know Me

• Sooner or later we're all someone's dog.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Dog, Sooner Or Later

  Terry Pratchett (2013). “Jingo: Stage Adaptation”, p.81, A&C Black

• The second mouse gets the cheese!

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Witty, Iron

• The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Animal, Whales

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