Ankh Quotes

• There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, People, Way

  "The Compleat Ankh-Morpork". Book by Terry Pratchett, 2012.

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• Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

  Terry Pratchett

  Rivers, Water, Citizens

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• It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.

  Terry Pratchett

  Pyramids, Life And Death, Appreciate Life

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Pyramids: A Novel of Discworld”, p.35, Harper Collins

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• Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

  Terry Pratchett

  Men, Democracy, Vote

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.38, Harper Collins

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• The point is that descriptive writing is very rarely entirely accurate and during the reign of Olaf Quimby II as Patrician of Ankh-Morpork some legislation was passed in a determined attempt to ?put a stop to this sort of thing and introduce some honest.

  Terry Pratchett

  Writing, Reign, Olaf

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.16, Harper Collins

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• And we don't often get any wading birds in the River Ankh, mainly because the pollution would eat their legs away and anyway, it's easier for them to walk on the surface.

  Terry Pratchett

  Rivers, Bird, Legs

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• Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

  Terry Pratchett

  Light, Darkness, Arms

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Men At Arms: (Discworld Novel 15)”, p.291, Random House

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• It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways.

  Terry Pratchett

  Home, Elderly, Community

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Feet Of Clay: (Discworld Novel 19)”, p.60, Random House

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• Technically, the city of Ankh-Morpork is a Tyranny, which is not always the same thing as a monarchy, and in fact even the post of Tyrant has been somewhat redefined by the incumbent, Lord Vetinari, as the only form of democracy that works. Everyone is entitled to vote, unless disqualified by reason of age or not being Lord Vetinari.

  Terry Pratchett

  Cities, Tyrants, Democracy

  Stephen Briggs, Terry Pratchett (2015). “Unseen Academicals”, p.13, Oberon Books

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• The people of Ankh-Morpork had a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to entertainment, and while they were looking forward to seeing a dragon slain, they'd be happy to settle instead for seeing someone being baked alive in his own armour. You didn't get the chance every day to see someone baked alive in their own armour. It would be something for the children to remember.

  Terry Pratchett

  Children, Dragons, People

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• A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

  Terry Pratchett

  Sacrifice, Practice, Numbers

  "Guards! Guards!". Book by Terry Pratchett, 1989.

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• Luck is my middle name. Mind you, my first name is Bad.

  Terry Pratchett

  Names, Luck, Mind

  Terry Pratchett (2014). “Interesting Times: Adapted for the Stage by Stephen Briggs”, p.23, A&C Black

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• The rising sun managed to peek around the vast column of smoke that forever rose from Ankh-Morpork, City of Cities, illustrating almost up to the edge of space that smoke means progress or, at least, people setting fire to things.

  Terry Pratchett

  Mean, Fire, Cities

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• Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc.

  Terry Pratchett

  Worst Enemy, Cities, Dying

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.16, Harper Collins

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• The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned by no later than the date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.

  Terry Pratchett

  Book, Space, Silence

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Guards! Guards!: (Discworld Novel 8)”, p.187, Random House

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• That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people.

  Terry Pratchett

  Running, People, Interesting

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Guards! Guards!: (Discworld Novel 8)”, p.125, Random House

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• He found that he had this sudden desperate longing for the fuming, smoky streets of Ankh-Morpork, which was always at its best in the spring, when the gummy sheen on the turbid waters of the Ankh River had a special iridescence and the eaves were full of birdsong, or at least birds coughing rhythmically

  Terry Pratchett

  Spring, Rivers, Water

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “The Light Fantastic: (Discworld Novel 2)”, p.91, Random House

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• Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder. So let's just say that Ankh-Morpork is as full of life as an old cheese on a hot day, as loud as a curse in a cathedral, as bright as an oil slick, as colourful as a bruise and as full of activity, industry, bustle and sheer exuberant busyness as a dead dog on a termite mound.

  Terry Pratchett

  Dog, Cities, Oil

  "Mort". Book by ‎Terry Pratchett, 1987.

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• When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.

  Terry Pratchett

  Tired, Men, Ankles

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• If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!

  Terry Pratchett

  Stupid, Religion, Lightning

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.4, Harper Collins

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• I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. It's generally a better bet. There's more pressure on a vet to get it right. People say "it was god's will" when granny dies, but they get angry when they lose a cow.

  Terry Pratchett

  Thinking, People, Sick

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• Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft. When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.

  Terry Pratchett

  Thinking, Bridges, Cities

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Reaper Man: (Discworld Novel 11)”, p.52, Random House

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• If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets.

  Terry Pratchett

  Home, Cities, Trophies

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