Witty Quotes - Page 6

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Hilarious, Smart

  115 Copy quote

• Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

  Mark Twain

  Truth, Deep Thought, Stories

  65 Copy quote

• A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Funny, Marriage, Sex

  W. Somerset Maugham (2017). “Plays Volume One”, p.195, Random House

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• University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

  Henry A. Kissinger

  Education, Powerful, Humorous

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• God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

  Naguib Mahfouz

  Funny, Humorous, Exercise

  "The Handbook of Wisdom and Delight". Book by Thorntize, p. 121, 2009.

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• Never fight an inanimate object.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Life, Humorous

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.189, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The worst guilt is to accept an undeserved guilt — and that is what you have been doing all your life.

  Ayn Rand

  Guilt, Accepting, Worst

  "Atlas Shrugged".

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  267 Copy quote

• Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Sexy

  101 Copy quote

• A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Sarcastic

  The Picture of Dorian Gray ch. 1 (1891)

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• One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.

  Oscar Wilde

  Heart, Laughing, Stones

  Quoted in Letters to the Sphinx from Oscar Wilde (1930)

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• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Cheating

  Audio CD "Woody Allen: Stand-Up Comic 1964-1968", 1999.

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• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Humorous, Gun

  "MIT Students Develop A Wearable That Detects Emotions In Speech" by Logan Strain, wearablezone.com. February 09, 2017.

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• Melancholy men, of all others, are the most witty.

  Aristotle

  Men, Melancholy

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  I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns.

  Elizabeth Cady Stanton

  Girl, Women, Feminist Art

  Elizabeth Cady Stanton (2003). “The Selected Papers of Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony: National protection for national citizens, 1873 to 1880”, p.491, Rutgers University Press

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• It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Silly

  Oscar Wilde (2012). “The Wit and Humor of Oscar Wilde”, p.161, Courier Corporation

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• What do you take me for, an idiot?

  Charles de Gaulle

  Humorous, Stupidity, Idiot

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• Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

  Pancho Villa

  Inspirational, Military, Humorous

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• When will you start asking different questions? Better questions?

  Shahrukh Khan

  Different, Asking

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• You can look at a person's attitude and know what kind of thinking is prevalent in his life... It's better to be positive and wrong than negative and right!

  Joyce Meyer

  Attitude, Thinking, Being Positive

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought

  Robert Breault

  Funny, Life, Clever

  43 Copy quote

• There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling

  Robert Breault

  Funny, Humorous

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• I'm not bisexual, I'm tri-sexual. I try everything

  Shahrukh Khan

  Bisexual, Trying

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• I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

  Umberto Eco

  Life, Powerful, Humorous

  Umberto Eco (2007). “Foucault's Pendulum”, p.104, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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