Retirement Jokes Quotes - Page 2

• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

  16 Copy quote

• Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

  John Lubbock

  Inspirational, Success, Summer

  36 Copy quote

• Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow

  Douglas Pagels

  Inspirational, Happiness, Success

  Alin Austin, Douglas Pagels (1993). “100 Things to Always Remember-- and One Thing to Never Forget”, Blue Mountain Arts

  42 Copy quote

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• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  119 Copy quote

• Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

  Gene Perret

  Retirement, Worry, Age

  8 Copy quote

• You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

  Germaine Greer

  Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  281 Copy quote

• Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Wisdom

  Letter in New York Times 29 Apr. 1930

  62 Copy quote

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• There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

  Groucho Marx

  Retirement, Work, Age

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

  9 Copy quote

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• In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.

  Gene Perret

  Teacher, Retirement, Golf

  8 Copy quote

• Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire.

  Margaret Mead

  Retirement, Retiring, Sooner Or Later

  Interview in Los Angeles on the occasion of her 75th birthday as quoted in "Newsweek", Volume 88 (p. 157), December 1976.

  12 Copy quote

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• Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.

  Malcolm Muggeridge

  Retirement, Age, Able

  Malcolm Muggeridge (1966). “Tread softly, for you tread on my jokes”

  35 Copy quote

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• When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.

  Gail Sheehy

  Funny, Witty, Teacher

  9 Copy quote

• There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

  Peter Drucker

  Retirement, Jobs, Business

  11 Copy quote

• Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

  Harry Vardon

  Funny, Retirement, Golf

  41 Copy quote

• When one door closes, another one opens.

  Alexander Graham Bell

  Tattoo, Retirement, Doors

  60 Copy quote

• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

  147 Copy quote

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• Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.

  A. A. Milne

  Happiness, Being Happy, Appreciation

  91 Copy quote

• Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

  William Wordsworth

  Sports, Retirement, Golf

  'The Prelude' (1850) bk. 4, l. 376

  11 Copy quote

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• I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT

  Darynda Jones

  Funny, Birthday, Humorous

  Darynda Jones (2013). “Fifth Grave Past the Light”, p.21, St. Martin's Press

  21 Copy quote

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• Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

  H. H. Asquith

  Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Retirement

  In Observer 15 Apr. 1923

  33 Copy quote

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• If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

  Doug Larson

  Funny, Witty, Retirement

  44 Copy quote