Retirement Jokes Quotes

• Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.

  Jonathan Clements

  Running, Retirement, Vacation

  17 Copy quote

• When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

  Gene Perret

  Retirement, Boss, Age

  8 Copy quote

• I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.

  Gene Perret

  Success, Retirement, Age

  9 Copy quote

• When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Retirement, Husband, Wife

  20 Copy quote

• Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

  Gene Perret

  Teacher, Retirement, Nice

  14 Copy quote

• Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing

  A. A. Milne

  Happiness, Being Happy, Retirement

  65 Copy quote

• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  56 Copy quote

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• The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

  Abe Lemons

  Retirement, Days Off, Trouble

  31 Copy quote

• Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  625 Copy quote

• Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."

  Gene Perret

  Retirement, Home, Forever

  10 Copy quote

• A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

  Ella Harris

  Retirement, Jobs, Husband

  8 Copy quote

• When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.

  Virginia Graham

  Teacher, Retirement, Teaching

  7 Copy quote

• Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.

  Bernard Baruch

  Teacher, Retirement, Numbers

  27 Copy quote

• Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

  Jim Bishop

  Funny, Retirement, Native American

  14 Copy quote

• The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

  George Foreman

  Sports, Retirement, Boxing

  27 Copy quote

• A man can't retire his experience.

  Bernard Baruch

  Retirement, Experience, Ciphers

  15 Copy quote

• I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.

  Gene Perret

  Teacher, Retirement, Income

  9 Copy quote

• Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Retirement, Fun, Age

  10 Copy quote

• You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

  Joan Rivers

  Retirement, Fun, Aging

  10 Copy quote

• Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

  Malcolm Forbes

  Retirement, Work, People

  13 Copy quote

• Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

  Gene Perret

  Inspirational, Retirement, Stress

  22 Copy quote

• I was thinking Im going to die but I'm not going to tap

  Lyoto Machida

  Retirement, Thinking, Retiring

  12 Copy quote

• Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

  Richard Armour

  Teacher, Retirement, Tired

  Richard Armour (1976). “Going Like Sixty: A Lighthearted Look at the Later Years”

  13 Copy quote

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• When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

  R. C. Sherriff

  Retirement, Work, Age

  46 Copy quote

• Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made.

  William Shakespeare

  Retirement, Farewell, Forever

  'Julius Caesar' (1599) act 5, sc. 1, l. 118

  8 Copy quote

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