Political Jokes Quotes

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  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  229 Copy quote

• I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Party, Political Will

  "Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom". Book by Patrick Joseph O'Brien. Chapter 9, 1935.

  17 Copy quote

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• I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  In Saturday Review 25 Aug. 1962

  120 Copy quote

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• One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

  Plato

  Plato, War, Government

  290 Copy quote

• Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

  Doug Larson

  Change, Keys, Cities

  76 Copy quote

• If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Truth, Political Will

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling, Frances N. Sterling (1993). “Will Rogers' World: America's Foremost Political Humorist Comments on the Twenties and Thirties--and Eighties and Nineties”, p.150, Rowman & Littlefield

  21 Copy quote

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• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Next Week

  In B. Adler Churchill Wit (1965) p. 4

  88 Copy quote

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• I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

  Bob Hope

  Political, Jokes

  70 Copy quote

• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

  Harry S. Truman

  Witty, Business, Silly

  Harry S. Truman, Steve Neal (2003). “Miracle of Forty-eight”, p.139, SIU Press

  44 Copy quote

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• 

  Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Funny, Running

  Quoted in Life, Dec. 1979

  135 Copy quote

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• Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  Oscar Wilde (1947). “The Happy Prince”, p.16, New Line Publishing

  135 Copy quote

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• How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.

  Ronald Reagan

  Business, Government, Political

  United States. President (1981-1989 : Reagan), Ronald Reagan (1982). “Ronald Reagan”

  166 Copy quote

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• 

  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Trust, Witty

  Winston S. Churchill (2013). “Churchill By Himself”, p.1079, RosettaBooks

  431 Copy quote

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• You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Humorous, Party

  Will Rogers (1983). “Radio broadcasts of Will Rogers”, Oklahoma State Univ Pr

  62 Copy quote

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• He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Sarcastic, Thinking, Careers

  Major Barbara (1907) act 3

  107 Copy quote

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• All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  20 Copy quote

• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  58 Copy quote

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• Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

  Will Rogers

  Inspiration, Political Will, Drunk

  Daily Telegram number 2678 on March 06, 1935. "Will Rogers' Daily Telegrams: The Roosevelt years, 1933-1935". Book edited by Steven Gragert and James Smallwood, 2008.

  10 Copy quote

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• We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.

  Kin Hubbard

  Funny, Witty, Freedom

  "The Best of Kin Hubbard: Abe Martin’s Sayings and Wisecracks, Abe’s Neighbors, His Almanack, Comic Drawings". Book by Kin Hubbard, October 1, 1984.

  34 Copy quote

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• Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

  Oscar Ameringer

  Life, Witty, Art

  70 Copy quote

• I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Money, Stupid

  Ronald Reagan's joke at the Gridiron Club annual dinner, March 24, 1984.

  10 Copy quote

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• The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Business, Military

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  219 Copy quote

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• Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

  Will Rogers

  Inspirational, Education, Work

  The Illiterate Digest "Defending My Soup Plate Position" (1924)

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• A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

  Bill Vaughan

  Funny, Freedom, Humorous

  40 Copy quote

• Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.

  George Jean Nathan

  Freedom, Democracies Have, Political

  99 Copy quote