Hey Quotes - Page 10

• You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Humor, Who Cares

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• That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Humor, Jail

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• Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Book, Humor

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• I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

  Marc Maron

  Funny, Cute, Humor

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• There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels like you're an ex-patriot in Paris in the 20s. You're like, 'Hey, isn't that a young Ernest Hemingway over there? Yeah, I think it is! Hey, let's go have a look and see what he's writing... It's a Gap application.'

  Marc Maron

  Funny, Coffee, Writing

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• A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, House

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• I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Doors

  Tim Vine (2012). “The (Not Quite) Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book: Children's Edition”, p.20, Random House

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• Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• I get up in front of a bunch of kids and say 'Hey, I'm gonna tell you a new story. Who wants to be in a new story?' Well some kid always sticks up their hand and that gives me a name, but it doesn't give me a story. I just say whatever comes to my mind and usually it's not that good. Every once in a while, however, I say something that turns into a really good story.

  Robert Munsch

  Kids, Hands, Names

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• Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, "Hey, listen to me." Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.

  George Carlin

  Song, Art, Keys

  Source: www.psychologytoday.com

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• The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at me, listen to this!" I do that because that's what I do, I love doing it.

  George Carlin

  Guy, Looks, Look At Me

  Source: www.psychologytoday.com

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• As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed "Hey! I'd better not see this on YouTube!"

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Humor, Rooms

  "Bill Engvall: Aged & Confused". Comedy/ TV Special, www.imdb.com. 2009.

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• I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk."

  Mike Birbiglia

  Funny, Holiday, Humor

  Mike Birbiglia (2012). “Sleepwalk with Me: And Other Painfully True Stories”, p.115, Simon and Schuster

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• I'm really shocked when critics get morally outraged at my fiction because they think I'm condoning what's going on. I never come in as the author and say, "Hey, okay. I'm interrupting the narrator here. I'm Bret Easton Ellis, and I'm the author."

  Bret Easton Ellis

  Thinking, Narrators, Fiction

  Interview with Joshua Klein, www.avclub.com. March 17, 1999.

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• You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, "Hey, how's that book?" "I haven't read it." "Oh, did you just buy it?" "I've had it since high school." "Well, can I borrow it?" "No."

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Book, School

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• It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like, "I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?" But at night you're like, "La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode. That Kirk Cameron's always in trouble."

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Morning, Pain

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• The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a living?" "Well, I don't grow corn. Get up at the crack of noon, make sure there's no corn growing. I'm gonna get up early tomorrow. And not plow. You know, we used to not grow tomatoes-but there's more money in not growing corn."

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Up Early, Government

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• I saw this sign posted once, it said, "Blasting Zone Ahead." Wow. Shouldn't that read: "Road Closed?" What do you mean there's a blasting zone? What am I supposed to do? "Hey-uh, you might wanna buckle up. Blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're- (Pow!)- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one-we lost Billy?"

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Mean, Thinking

  "Brian Regan Live". Audio CD, 1997.

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• How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make a little lame segue. "Hey, that's a big lotto jackpot! Speaking of lotto, there was a lot o' crime in the city today."

  Brian Regan

  Funny, Thinking, Blue

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• Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"

  Chris Rock

  Funny, Brother, Hate

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• The fact that used cars is our largest category is a good example. We would not have sat in a conference room and said, "Hey, how about used cars?" So what can be learned that is extensible to other companies is to ask what are your customers doing with your products that maybe you didn't anticipate that they would do? How do you think of your customers as your research and development lab, as opposed to having an R&D lab at headquarters?

  Meg Whitman

  Business, Thinking, Research And Development

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• Yeah, leading an examined life, I always say, is a pain in the ass. It adds an element of complexity to business that most businessmen don't want to hear about. They just want to call a fabric manufacturer, and say, "Hey, give us 10,000 yards of shirting."

  Yvon Chouinard

  Business, Pain, Giving

  "The TH Interview: Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia". Interview with Jacob Gordon, www.treehugger.com. February 7, 2008.

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• I'm not into those shows like "hey everybody, gather round the TV, let's watch The Simpsons!" I'm not one of those guys: "I gotta get home, man, Family Guy's on! I gotta race to my TV before I miss the episode of Family Guy!" I'm not one of those guys.

  Pablo Francisco

  Home, Family Guy, Men

  Source: rocksucker.co.uk

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• It wasn't like a "I know I wanted to do this," I was sort of just - I was five and my dad kinda said hey, you wanna be an actor and I said sure.

  Drake Bell

  Dad, Actors, Said

  Source: www.thestarscoop.com

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