Funny Men Quotes

• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

  Albert Einstein

  Change, Marriage, Valentines Day

  82 Copy quote

• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

  Groucho Marx

  Motivational, Leadership, Witty

  49 Copy quote

• Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Love, Break Up, Marriage

  Quoted in PeopleWeekly, 11 Oct. 1976

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• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  1019 Copy quote

• Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  The Picture of Dorian Gray ch. 4 (1891).Wilde used the same words in A Woman of No Importance (1893).

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• My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.

  Dolly Parton

  Love, Funny, Food

  Twitter post from Jun 21, 2010

  32 Copy quote

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• I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

  Jay McInerney

  Love, Life, Witty

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2013

  128 Copy quote

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• Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Hilarious, Men

  56 Copy quote

• When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

  Prince Philip

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  1569 Copy quote

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• A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

  Ella Harris

  Retirement, Jobs, Husband

  8 Copy quote

• Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

  Mae West

  Funny Love, Running, Wedding

  22 Copy quote

• The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

  Mark Twain

  Men, Thinking, Average

  298 Copy quote

• The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

  Fanny Fern

  Sex, Food, Heart

  Fanny Fern (1986). “Ruth Hall and Other Writings”, p.32, Rutgers University Press

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• The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

  Jo Brand

  Sex, Food, Heart

  10 Copy quote

• Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

  Jill Shalvis

  Jobs, Wine, Dark

  45 Copy quote

• Men are only as loyal as their options.

  Bill Maher

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Bill Maher (2002). “When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden: What the Government Should be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on Terrorism”, Phoenix Books Incorporated

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• Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.

  Sabrina Jeffries

  Sex, Food, Heart

  13 Copy quote

• The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

  Roseanne Barr

  Marriage, Sex, Food

  13 Copy quote

• Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Oscar Wilde (2010). “Epigrams & Aphorisms”, p.56, BoD – Books on Demand

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• Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both."-

  Janet Evanovich

  Funny, Men, Next Week

  FaceBook post by Janet Evanovich from Feb 13, 2014

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• I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

  Elayne Boosler

  Relationship, Humorous, Men

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

  Natalie Wood

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  91 Copy quote

• All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Men, Differences

  33 Copy quote

• I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

  Rowan Atkinson

  Men, Ifs, I Can

  "Rowan Atkinson JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN Interview". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. October 20, 2011.

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• When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

  John Oliver

  Mean, Men, Doe

  "John Oliver On Facts, Donald Trump And The Supreme Court For Dogs". Interview with Steve Inskeep, scpublicradio.org. February 10, 2017.

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