Funny Fathers Day Quotes

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.

Billy Graham

Inspirational, Fathers Day, Father Son

Twitter post from Jun 16, 2013

92 Copy quote

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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

Steve Martin

Fathers Day, Baby, Dad

41 Copy quote
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

Happy, Fathers Day, Dad

"R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield", www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

20 Copy quote

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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Dad, Father

49 Copy quote
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Jim Gaffigan

Fathers Day, Song, Children

FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

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The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Theodore Hesburgh

Love, Inspirational, Funny

249 Copy quote
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby

Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

91 Copy quote
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

Jim Valvano

Inspirational, Basketball, Daughter

164 Copy quote
I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.

Sigmund Freud

Daughter, Fathers Day, Strong

Sigmund Freud, James Strachey, Anna Freud, Carrie Lee Rothgeb (1961). “The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud”

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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain

Love, Funny, Motivational

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

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When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

Jerry Lewis

Fathers Day, Zoos, Dad

164 Copy quote
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

Ray Romano

Funny, Fathers Day, Children

67 Copy quote
To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.

Euripides

Mother Daughter, Fathers Day, Dad

52 Copy quote
You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.

Erika Cosby

Family, Fathers Day, Dad

47 Copy quote
To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

Ernest Hemingway

Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

Phyllis Diller

Mothers Day, Mom, Fathers Day

68 Copy quote
A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Fathers Day, Dad, Men

FaceBook post by Gabriel García Márquez from Jun 15, 2014

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It is a wise father that knows his own child.

William Shakespeare

Family, Wise, Meaningful

'The Merchant of Venice' (1596-8) act 2, sc. 2, l. [83]

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Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

Jon Stewart

Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

"Late Night with Conan O'Brien", January 29, 2009.

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The greatest gift I ever had
Came from God; I call him Dad!

John Walter Bratton

Fathers Day, Dad, Father Son

46 Copy quote
To her, the name of father was another name for love.

Fanny Fern

Daughter, Fathers Day, Dad

23 Copy quote
It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.

Pope John XXIII

Fathers Day, Children, Dad

94 Copy quote
It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.

Anne Sexton

Death, Daughter, Fathers Day

"A Small Journal" by Anne Sexton, 1974.

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One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

George Herbert

Relationship, Daughter, Fathers Day

George Herbert (1836). “The works of George Herbert. containing Parentalia, the 2nd copy wanting the 1st sheet of vol.2].”, p.168

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My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Bob Monkhouse

Funny, Father, Humor

21 Copy quote