Funny Family Quotes - Page 2

• As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

  Buddy Hackett

  Funny, Family, Mothers Day

  106 Copy quote

• The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

  Robert Breault

  Family, Children, Growing Up

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• When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Family, Home, Thinking

  George Bernard Shaw (2004). “Heartbreak House”, p.63, 1st World Publishing

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• There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.

  Benjamin Spock

  Funny, Mother, Children

  35 Copy quote

• The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.

  Dodie Smith

  Funny, Family, Heart

  Dear Octopus (1938) p. 120

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• Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Family, Being Thankful, Understanding

  "The Complete Neurotic's Notebook". Book by Mignon McLaughlin, 1981.

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• Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never invite them round to dinner.

  Douglas Adams

  Funny, Family, Food

  "Fictional character: The Book". "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy/ Episode #1.1", www.imdb.com. January 1981.

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• The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

  Bertrand Russell

  Funny, Family, Dad

  Bertrand Russell (1957). “Why I Am Not a Christian: And Other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects”, p.158, Simon and Schuster

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• All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

  Leo Tolstoy

  Inspirational, Funny, Family

  Anna Karenina pt. 1, ch. 1 (1875 - 1877) (translation by Louise and Aylmer Maude) See Susan Cheever 1

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• To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Children

  44 Copy quote

• Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Tolerance

  29 Copy quote

• There is no cure for laziness but a large family helps.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Family, Being Thankful, Laziness

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• I been with strangers all day and they treated me like family. I come in here to family and you treat me like a stranger.

  August Wilson

  Like Family, Stranger, Treats

  6 Copy quote

• If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Inspirational, Family, Dance

  60 Copy quote

• Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.

  Francis Bacon

  Funny, Family, Important

  10 Copy quote

• Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

  Evan Esar

  Family, Mother, Children

  31 Copy quote

• My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Family, Uncles

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.35, Zondervan

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• If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Family, Believe, Being Thankful

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• I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

  Victor Borge

  Funny, Family, Sarcastic

  27 Copy quote

• I am an only child. I have one sister.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Family, Children

  15 Copy quote

• We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest.

  Meg Cabot

  Brother, Always Trying, Tools

  "My family values" by Meg Cabot, www.theguardian.com. November 28, 2008.

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• Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

  Bill Cosby

  Love, Family, Marriage

  Twitter post from Nov 04, 2009

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• I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

  Wanda Sykes

  Comedy, Shows, Show Business

  4 Copy quote

• Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

  Gracie Allen

  Funny, Family, Senior

  47 Copy quote

• I had a very funny family.

  Zach Braff

  "Marathon Man: Zach Braff". Interview with Jennifer Campbell, www.askmen.com.

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