Funny Birthday Card Quotes

• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Birthday, Humor

  "Happy Birthday to You" by Don Meyer, Ph.D., www.huffingtonpost.com. October 1, 2013.

  110 Copy quote

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• Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

  Dorothy Parker

  Birthday, Age, May

  171 Copy quote

• Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

  Maurice Chevalier

  Funny, Birthday, Health

  Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

  34 Copy quote

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• Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

  Bob Hope

  Birthday, Witty, Funny Inspirational

  32 Copy quote
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  The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

  "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

  91 Copy quote

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• Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

  Tom Wilson

  Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Wisdom

  31 Copy quote

• Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

  Helen Hayes

  Birthday, Age, Important

  18 Copy quote

• You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Blow

  15 Copy quote

• They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

  Malcolm Cowley

  Birthday, Missing You, Mind

  Malcolm Cowley (1982). “The view from 80”, Penguin Books, 1982

  16 Copy quote

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• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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• There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.

  Lewis Carroll

  Birthday, Hypocrisy, Four

  Adrian Mitchell, Lewis Carroll (2001). “Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass”, Oberon Books Limited

  16 Copy quote

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• With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

  William Shakespeare

  Birthday, Happiness, Being Happy

  1596-7 Graziano toAntonio.TheMerchant ofVenice, act1, sc.1, l.79-80.

  76 Copy quote

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• A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

  Erma Bombeck

  Birthday, Marriage, Husband

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.135, Open Road Media

  9 Copy quote

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  The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

  Lucille Ball

  Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Birthday

  181 Copy quote

• Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

  Theodore Roosevelt

  Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Congratulations

  Theodore Roosevelt (2015). “Theodore Roosevelt on Bravery: Lessons from the Most Courageous Leader of the Twentieth Century”, p.7, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  77 Copy quote

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• A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

  141 Copy quote

• Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.

  Lucy Larcom

  Inspirational, Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday

  LUCY LARCOM (1869). “POEMS”, p.179

  53 Copy quote

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• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

  Chili Davis

  Love, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  108 Copy quote

• The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

  Robert Orben

  Birthday, Funny Birthday, Funny Happy Birthday

  19 Copy quote

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  34 Copy quote

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  Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.

  Coco Chanel

  Funny, Birthday, Beauty

  31 Copy quote

• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  55 Copy quote

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• Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

  C. E. M. Joad

  Birthday, Wine, Turning 50

  17 Copy quote

• There is still no cure for the common birthday.

  John Glenn

  Happy Birthday, Friends, Funny Birthday

  "Ohio's Sen. Glenn Won't Run Again In 1998" by Candy Crowley, www.cnn.com.

  90 Copy quote

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• You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

  Germaine Greer

  Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  281 Copy quote