I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.
What's drinking? A mere pause from thinking!
Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
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