Michael R. Burch Quotes

Quotes about:

• Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

  Michael R. Burch

  Long, Fans, Worship

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• Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

  Michael R. Burch

  Christian, Mistake, Halos

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• Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

  Michael R. Burch

  Taken, Principles, Depth

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• If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

  Michael R. Burch

  Soul, Levity, Wit

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• Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

  Michael R. Burch

  Believe, President, Trump

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• Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

  Michael R. Burch

  Sticks, Speak, Bigs

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• It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

  Michael R. Burch

  Two, Hell, Affair

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• What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

  Michael R. Burch

  Running, Comedian, President

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• When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.

  Michael R. Burch

  Judging, Opinion, Being Bullied

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• It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

  Michael R. Burch

  Fall, Leafs

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• C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.

  Michael R. Burch

  Kids, Clothing Line, Chinese

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• What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.

  Michael R. Burch

  Ass, Trump, Enormous

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• Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don't treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent.

  Michael R. Burch

  Running, Party, Hair

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• Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.

  Michael R. Burch

  Crazy, Mean, Winning

  6 Copy quote

• Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people?

  Michael R. Burch

  Jobs, Best Job, People

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• Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons.

  Michael R. Burch

  Blow, Gun, Iron

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• Even Donald Trump's hairpiece is fed up with his insults and says it now supports Bernie Sanders. When Trump found out, he sobbed

  Michael R. Burch

  Support, Insult, Trump

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• Love is either wholly folly, or fully holy.

  Michael R. Burch

  Love Is, Holy, Folly

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• Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to "hell" for having "impure thoughts."

  Michael R. Burch

  Hell Hath No Fury, Political, Frustrated

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• How can the Bible be "infallible" when from Genesis to Revelation slavery is commanded and condoned, but never condemned?

  Michael R. Burch

  Slavery, Revelations, Genesis

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• The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was "We shall overcome!" Donald Trump's new campaign slogan is "We shall overcomb!"

  Michael R. Burch

  Rights, Overcoming, Campaigns

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• If God is good half the Bible is libel.

  Michael R. Burch

  Half, Libel, Ifs

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• If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You!

  Michael R. Burch

  Witty, Worship You, World

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• There's no better tonic for other people's bad ideas, than to think for oneself.

  Michael R. Burch

  Thinking, Ideas, People

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• The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can't relate to other people.

  Michael R. Burch

  People, Autism, Trump

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